The Conseqences in the Truth
by CurlieQ06
Summary: When the past catches up to Buffy, she has to make some very hard decisions. Especially, with the arrival of someone extremely important. She eventually learns the conseqeuences in the truth, and that for every choice she makes there are repercussions. AU Season 5ish. All Human cast.
1. The Memories in the Present

AN: General Disclaimer, All characters belong to Joss Whedon. I just borrow some for my own amusement. This is my first time publishing anything so all feedback is encouraged and welcome. Thanks for reading! *CulieQ

"Mommy," Dawn Summers began, "I'm back from Chhi-cag-o!" Precocious six-year-old Dawn hugged her mother's waist. "Hi Dawnie," Buffy Summers, knelt down and enveloped her daughter in a ferocious hug. After just kicking her Psychology final's butt she was exhausted. However, due to her daughter's arrival, sleeping was something that could wait. "Dawnie Girl, want to go see Grandma Joyce? Mommy needs to take a quick shower and then we can watch a movie together?"

After mulling over what her mother said, Dawn scampered off to see her grandma, leaving a very exhausted Buffy in her wake. Grabbing her toiletries, and a freshly dried towel, Buffy made her way into the bathroom. She opened the shower curtain, turned the silver nozzle to the left, and then sat on the toilet seat to wait for the water to get warm enough.

Left alone in her thoughts, Buffy was reeling. As much as she loved Dawn, seeing her brought up memories of Parker that Buffy tried to suppress. She had spent the last five years trying to make herself over, she was now a better person then she once was. She had tried to redeem her past by living better in the present. Rubbing her eyes, Buffy put her face in her hands, and let the tears freely fall down her face.

The sound of the shower muffled her sobs. She tried to tell herself that she wasn't the same insipid fourteen year old she once was, at twenty she was a responsible adult. She finally had gotten her life together… After leaving Los Angeles, with her mother and relocating to Sunnydale, life became mundane and simpler. She had better, truer friends, and for once she had a healthy relationship. Angel was the antithesis of Parker. It seemed fitting that her next relationship was with Angel, because he was her savior and guardian.

Angel O'Neil was similar to Parker only in physique. Angel was tall, dark and handsome, but in contrast to Parker he was genuinely nice, and treated Buffy with respect. Buffy did not know a healthy relationship until, Angel… But, at the end of high school he left her for a future in LA with empty promises of someday. Buffy tried dating after that, but after an unsuccessful gamut of flings, and one night stands, Buffy found herself reverting back to her old ways. She quickly, quietly and succinctly pulled herself back together, and tried to move on.

Dawn Charlotte Summers gave her mother quite a wake up call. Buffy's friends had no idea of her past. They didn't know about Faith, her former best friend, or Parker her evil Ex-baby daddy. They certainly had no idea she had a daughter. It wasn't like she was ashamed of being a teen mother; she was ashamed of her former self.

Dawn had gone to live in Chicago with Buffy's Aunt Darlene who could not have children of her own. Buffy still spent the entire summer, Holidays, and went out to see Dawn on her Birthday, which happened to be April 14th. Every time, Buffy left she informed her friends that she was going to LA, when in reality she was going to Illinois. Dawn knew that Buffy was her birth mother, but that didn't matter because Dawn loved Buffy like she had been raised by her.

The year before Buffy came to Sunnydale was spent raising Dawn, and going to school where the whispers were so loud that they reverberated through her ears at lightening speed. Parker Abrahams, had already graduated, so Buffy never had to see him at school, which was a blessing. Seeing Dawn everyday was a constant reminder of Parker, and how badly he ended up hurting her.

After she found out she was pregnant, Parker told her to get an abortion, because the baby was just a mistake. Buffy, refused saying that it was against everything she had ever believed in. The day Buffy told Parker her news, was the day he broke up with her. He was selfish, and his true loves were whisky and motorcycles. He told Buffy that she was just a good lay, and that's all she was good for. He told her that he lied when he said he loved her and wanted a clean break.

Buffy had relived that day for years in her mind. She was broken when she started to see Parker; her family life was in turmoil because her father was cheating on her mother, and her best friend Faith was dragging her down a destructive path because she had newfound love with addictive drugs.

Buffy did not remember having sex with Parker the first time. She was so coked out of her mind that she couldn't remember what it was like. She knew for sure that it was an… experience, but it wasn't how she was supposed to loose her virginity. At fourteen, she was inexperienced at best, and had a nativity about her. But when that pink plus sign showed up on all five pregnancy tests, her decisions had consequences, her actions were now her burdens to bear.

When Dawn was born, the tiny pink bundle she was, Buffy made a silent vow to change for Dawn. After a month home, being solely responsible for this new life, Buffy became anxious to return to some semblance of normalcy. Buffy needed to return to school, she missed most of the beginning of Sophomore year because of her pregnancy, but through a lot of hard work was able to catch up on all of her assignments. She was finally a sophomore, and the first day back was absolute hell.

Faith, her former best friend and confidant since Buffy was in Kindergarten didn't even look her in the eye and called her a slut. That snub hurt, more then Buffy was willing to admit. She could understand the whispers of the girls who didn't know her, but the one person who was suppose to have her back, abandoned her. Buffy went from being popular to no one special. She was just the girl with a baby.

Buffy shuddered from the memories that were overwhelming her… She got out of her scalding shower, dressed and made her way down stairs. She heard her mother and Aunt in the kitchen with hushed voices; she stood unobtrusively by the door and caught the end of their conversation, "Joyce, Dawn is going to have to stay here. I love the little munchkin but I got a job offer in New York that's full of traveling, and that's not conducive to a six year old."

"I understand, Dawn is obviously more then welcome to stay here full time, you know how appreciative me and Buffy have been for all you've done for her. Sunnydale has been good for Buffy, she's improved so much. She is happier then I've ever seen her, she has College, her friends, and a part time job," Joyce took a sip of her tea, "I think Buffy is finally able to handle being a full time single parent, and I know its been hard for her without Dawn. I don't know how I would have handled everything she went through... She's a different girl, Darlene, and I'm so proud of her."

Smiling at the words of praise her mother just gave her, Buffy summoned the courage to open the kitchen door, "Hi mom" she turned to her Aunt, "Hi Auntie D!" She gave her aunt a warm welcome, and took a seat at the kitchen table. "So," she began, "What's up?"


	2. A New Day has Dawned

"Well," Joyce began, "Auntie Darlene got a job in New York! The thing is, that it involves extensive traveling…" Even though Buffy already knew the answer she asked anyway, "Well, what about Dawn? Is she going to be staying here?" With two simultaneous nods, Darlene and Joyce, both answered, "Yes."

Buffy nodded in consent, "Really? That's… awesome!" It really was great, Buffy finally had her daughter back, but at the same time she was worried about the fallout from her friends. Angel was the only person who knew about Dawn, but he was off gallivanting in Los Angeles. She wondered if Angel ever ran into Parker, she knew that if he did, he would beat the shit out of him. "Does Dawn know about living here? Have you told her?"

"Well," Joyce started to say before Darlene interrupted, "I thought you should tell her Buffy. She will be happier if it comes from you, and since she is always talking about you it might make the news lighter."

Buffy felt her hand twitch, and started to sweat, "Sure, I was going to watch a movie with her anyway but maybe I will just take her to the park and talk to her…"

"That sounds like a good idea, she will definitely be receptive if you are going to do something together," Darlene said while making her way out of the Kitchen to get Dawn, who was watching television in the living room.

With just Buffy and Joyce in the kitchen, the mother and daughter duo let the news sink in. Joyce was the first to approach a discussion, "Honey, are you okay with this?"

"Yeah, I'm good. The more I think about it the more excited I am… But at the same time Willow, Xander and Amy don't have any idea about Dawn. I've known them for five years and when I tell them that I've neglected to let them in on my past, they are going to be really upset. I honestly don't know if I can handle that. Angel, knew but he left… Ugh," Buffy buried her face in her hands, "I just don't know. Now, I get to be a full time parent and that scares me more then their reactions…" Buffy began to cry, "What if I'm horrible and Dawn goes from idolizing me to absolutely hating me."

"Oh Buffy," Joyce got up from her seat and put her arms around her daughter, "Sometimes the hardest things to do are the things we don't want to do, but end up being the things we need the most."

"I've seen you with Dawn and she loves you more then anything. I will help you out but you have to do all the hard work…Do you remember what I told you the day Dawn was born?"

"Yes, you said that Dawn was going to be the best blessing in disguise," Buffy said while wiping away a stray tear.

"Dawn loves you and I know that you love her more then anything. So, I promise everything will be okay. Just give it time."

Putting on her resolve face, Buffy got up from the kitchen table and walked into the living room. She saw Auntie Darlene and Dawn watching Sesame Street.

"Dawnie, want to go for a walk?"

The exuberant six years old, enthusiastically responded with, "Yes Mommy! Let's go now!" she grabbed Buffy's hand and led her out the door.

Buffy was shocked that Dawn remembered how too get to the small park by her house; she only took her their once when she visited two years ago.

"Dawn, how do you remember the way to the park? That was almost two years ago!"

"I love this park! It was one of the best days ever mommy! You and Angel took me. I liked Angel. He was nice and pushed me high on the swings. I love swings, they are my favorite…"

"Dawn, how would you like more days at the park with me?"

"No Angel?"

"He's in LA, but maybe when he comes to visit."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Then we can get ice cream! It will be fun!"

Buffy tried a different approach, cause her first one totally went over Dawns head, "Dawn, how about if you came to live with me and Grandma."

"Really?" Dawn squealed, and ran to give her mother a hug, "I love Aunt Darlene but I love you more!"

A huge weight felt like it was lifted off Buffy's shoulders, and immediately she started getting emotional, "Yay! I'm so excited; we have a lot to do though… We need to get you a good Elementary school, set up your room…"

"Mom," Dawn interrupted Buffy, "can we paint it pink? I've always wanted a pink room! Aunt Darlene made my room icky with blue stripes. I don't like the blue strips! Can we go back home? I want to start painting!"

"Dawn, your getting a head of yourself! We need to buy paint first, pumpkin."

"Okay," Dawn lamented, "but mommy when's Angel going to visit? I like Angel. He's nice… Is he my daddy? I wish he was my daddy. You never really told me about my daddy. In Chicago, Amelia, my best friend, has a mommy and a daddy. He's really nice… Oh no! I'm not going to see Amelia anymore after I move?"

"Whoa, slow down their kiddo," Buffy took a deep breath because the subject of Angel and Parker were brought up in the same conversation… One thing at a time, thought Buffy.

"Okay, Amelia can come and visit anytime she wants! That's no big deal. We still have to go back to Chicago and get all of your belongings."

Buffy took a deep breath and began her next thought, "Angel, Dawn is not your daddy, remember we had this conversation last time you were out here. Angel was my boyfriend. Your daddy's name is Parker."

"Really, I like the name Parker," Dawn took this new information in and asked, "Why hasn't he met me? Doesn't he like me?"

"Sweetie, your daddy loves you but remember that we were both really young when you were born. Daddy needed to figure out his life, but he loves you very much. Maybe someday you can meet him…"

Buffy's answer seemed to pacify Dawn, "Okay," she began, "Can we go get ice cream now? My tummy has the rumblies, and I'm so hungry."

Buffy took Dawns hands in hers and together they walked to the ice cream shop.


	3. Nostolgia

After a successful session of bonding over sundae's, the mother daughter duo returned to Revello Drive. Upon walking closer to the house, Buffy saw an unfamiliar blue car in the driveway. The closer she got to it, the more familiar it became.

"Why is that car so familiar…" she said to no one in particular.

"What Mommy?" Dawn asked, pulling Buffy out of her reverie.

"Uh, nothing…I think," Buffy said while trailing off in her own thoughts.

Buffy, with Dawn situated on her hip, opened the front door and saw a man talking with her mother who she hadn't seen in quite a while…

"Dad… Daddy?"

"Hi Honey!" Hank Summer's exclaimed while rushing over to give his daughter and granddaughter a hug.

"You must be Dawn?"

"Yeah, my name is Dawn, I'm six." Dawn stated while wiggling out of her mother's arms, "Momma, put me down! Blues Clues is on!"

Placing her daughter on the floor, Dawn scampered off into the living room leaving into a shell shocked Buffy speechless. Finally, she got the nerve to ask her father the one question that was on her mind, "Dad, what are you doing here? It's been years…"

"I know, honey, I feel really terrible about that. I'm not going to make any excuses but with work, the divorce, and you and your mother moving to Sunnydale… I want to make it up to you. Your mother told me Dawn's staying here permanently, and that you've been doing really well in school. She told me how many positive changes you've made in your life and for that I'm proud of you."

"Uh," Buffy stammered, "Thanks, I guess."

"Buffy," Joyce interjected, "Why don't I take Dawn, and you and your dad can catch up."

"Yeah honey, want to go for a walk and you can fill me in on the last five years?"

"Sure, I guess. Let me just grab a sweatshirt."

Walking upstairs into her room, Buffy found her favorite blue sweatshirt discarded on her bed. Picking it up, and heading for the door, she paused… A bright floral photo album caught her attention. Heading to her bookshelf, she picked up the album and headed down stairs.

"Okay," she exclaimed, "I'm ready to go."

"Alright Princess, let's head out."

Just being next to her father, was surreal. For the last five years, he wasn't a constant. He was just an enigma. He walked out on Joyce, and completely forgot about Buffy. For the longest time, Buffy thought it was her fault that her father left, but eventually, as she got older and wiser, she realized that her dad was just a selfish jerk. When she got pregnant, her father had already left, and never met Dawn. Hank Summers walked out on Buffy when she needed him the most.

Even though Buffy felt conflicted, she wanted to give her father the benefit of the doubt. It was going to take time for her to trust him, or even have a semblance of a relationship. But the fact that he was there trying was good enough for Buffy.

"So what's that?" Hank asked pointing to the album, as they walked out on the porch.

"In short, it's the last five years, " replied Buffy.

"Oh, well show me. We can sit on the porch swing, we don't even have to go for a walk."

After sitting down, Buffy found it awkward to be so close to her dad.

"So," Buffy began and opened up to the first page, "This is the first picture of Dawn," she exclaimed pointing to the image of her and newborn Dawn in the hospital.

"Wow, Buffy she's so gorgeous…"

"I know," Buffy nodded in agreement, "she was the cutest newborn. All the nurses would come in and just look at her. I never let her out of my sight or into the nursery. I was afraid that she would be mixed up. Silly, I know but it really worried me."

"What about this one?" Hank asked pointing to a picture of Angel, Buffy, Xander and Willow.

"Oh, that was taken on the pier before graduation. The redhead is Willow, the guy with the arms around her is Xander, and Angel…" she stops and traces the outline of his face, "was my boyfriend. Without them, I never would have gotten through high school."

"So this Angel guy, did he treat you right?"

"Dad, he was one hundred million times better then he-who-will-remain-nameless."

"Parker?"

"Dad, Obviously," Buffy said, "A maggot is better then Parker. Suffice to say, I have much higher standards."

"Well," Hank chuckled, "that's good to know. Speaking of the nameless ex-boyfriend, has he ever even met Dawn?"

"Nope," Buffy exclaimed while popping the 'p', "If I have anything to do with it, he never will."

Sensing that the subject was closed Hank pointed to another picture, "So, you were the Homecoming queen too?"

"Oh yeah, this girl Cordelia and I fought tooth and nail for the crown. She was such a bitch. She thought just because she was pretty and popular she ruled the school. She made a snide comment… About me not having friends, and dumping her because I could have been popular. I mean, I had better friends then she ever would, and she awoke the prom queen within. It was a interesting competition to say the least…"

After going through the entire album, and down nostalgia lane, Buffy and Hank were interrupted by a very tired Dawn.

"Mommy, put me to bed now. I am tired!"

"Parental duty calls," Buffy turned to Hank, "Want to read her a story? If you read her Cinderella, she will love you forever."

"Yeah Cinderella! Yes please, it's my favorite."

Taking the hand Dawn offered him, the trio went upstairs to read Cinderella.


	4. What the Hell?

Buffy had to admit it was kind of nice seeing her dad again. It did however leave her feeling a little apprehensive. Watching Dawn and Hank interact was nice. Dawn was immediately smitten with her grandfather, and it reminded Buffy of the days when she worshiped the ground her dad walked on. It took her back to the days when her dad was her hero and knight and shining armor.

After Bedtime duties were over, Buffy and her father made their way down stairs. Her mother, and Aunt Darlene were sitting on the sofa and looked as if they were in the middle of a heated discussion. Needless to say, once Buffy and Hank made their way into the living room, the discussion had effectively ended.

"Well," Hank began while stretching, "I should probably go back to my hotel."

"Okay, Dad," Buffy said while hugging her father goodbye, "Am I going to see you tomorrow?"

"Of course, you and the munchkin," He turned toward Joyce, "Night Joyce. We can finish talking later. Bye Darlene, good to see you."

"Bye Hank," seethed Darlene.

And with that Hank Summer's walked out the door, with promises of returning the next day.

"So Honey," Joyce motioned for Buffy to sit down, "How was the time with your dad?"

"Mom, that literally was the weirdest thing ever. I feel like I'm in an episode of the twilight zone… the big question is why the hell was he here? It's been five years."

"Well, do you remember Grandma Summers? She passed away and left a rather large inheritance to Hank. He called me yesterday out of the blue and wanted to talk, more specifically he wanted to see you and Dawn. He told me is going to set up a trust fund for you and Dawn."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think he's ready to make amends."

"About time," interjected Darlene.

"Amen," Both Buffy and Joyce said simultaneously.

This caused the three women to erupt in laughter, "Do you think he has an ulterior motive mom?"

"This is your father, he's a snake. He's a lawyer. They are exceptional liars, but the one thing that I know is truly there is his love for you and Dawn."

"I guess, I mean it was nice catching up with him. It's just that your dad's always suppose to be there and he's completely dropped the ball. I'm more worried about Dawn then me, because I can handle him leaving; he's done it before. But Dawn's six, and she already likes him… What if she gets attached? I don't want to scar her, like me."

"Aww Buffy, your not scarred. You've had a rough time with the divorce and empty promises from you father. That can screw with anyone's head."

"I know, it's just strange. The whole thing is weird."

"See Joyce, I told you there was something fishy about this entire thing…"

"Darlene, you've always hated Hank."

"I hate to say I told you so, but I know I'm right."

"Yeah mom, Darlene's right. There's something else going on…"

"Will you too stop with the conspiracy theories and give the guy the benefit of the doubt?"

"Okay fine."

"Joyce, I'm so going to love telling you I told you so…"

"Whatever. I'm going to bed, you too can continue this speculation."

"Night mom," Buffy beckoned as Joyce went upstairs.

"So Auntie, what do you think is the real reason for the sudden reappearance of Hank Summers?"

"Buffy, I'm honestly stumped. He hasn't reached out in years, literally. He never met his granddaughter and he missed out on your formative high school years. Maybe he's atoning for something… But why now, I don't know."

"Yeah, this whole situation has gone into bizzaro land. Anyway, when do you start your new job?"

"Three days. I'm going to Islamabad."

"HAHA what? Is Llama Bad? That's a hilarious name."

"Hardy har, It's suppose to be beautiful. I have some photography assignment for the magazine."

"Wow, that's so exciting."

"I know, Buff, I've been waiting for this my entire life. You never told me how your conversation with Dawn went…"

"Oh yeah, so we went to the park I asked her if she wanted to stay here. Of course, she said yes she wants to live with mommy. I didn't say anything about your job, so you're going to have to tell her that part…"

"She'll be fine. She literally worships you. When I told her we were visiting, she packed almost the entire contents of her closet and her Mr. Gordo that you gave her. She never goes anywhere without that, it's hilarious. Every night she says good night to Mr. Gordo and his mommy. It's her way of saying goodnight to you."

"That's so cute!"

"It really is."

"I'm just scared, I don't want to mess up."

"Buffy, being a parent is messing up. There are some day's that will be absolutely horrible. She might be really sick, throw a tantrum because she won't get what she wants, or tell you she hates you. But at the end of the day, none of that matter's because you love the girl to pieces. You have a really awesome daughter, and now it's time to be her full time mother. I know you can do it; you've done it before. You just can't let the fear rule you."

"Thank you Auntie. You're a great parent too. Dawn loves you as much as you say she loves me..."

The doorbell interrupts Buffy and Darlene, "I have to go get that."

Buffy opens the door, and sees a face identical to the one upstairs sleeping, "Parker? What the hell are you doing here?"


	5. Parkers Plight Part I

Before Buffy even had time to respond, a very intoxicated Parker grabbed her and started kissing her. For a split second, Buffy let him and then pulled away rather aggressively, and proceeded to slap him in the face, "What the hell was that? And what are you doing here? Besides the fact that it's almost 12 in the morning…"

"Heyyy Babee," slurred Parker, "I came here to see youuu…"

"You couldn't have called first, or I don't know not be so drunk?"

"I wasss going to call you but I went to this Club first, the Bronze or something and here I am…"

"Well, isn't that fantastic," Buffy mumbled sarcastically, "I really should've just not woken up this morning, cause really people from my past just don't want to stay away."

With a thud, Parker fell on the floor, completely unconscious.

Darlene, rushed to the hallway, and saw Buffy struggling to pick up a young man, "Buffy, are you okay?"

"No, not at all. This unconscious man on my floor is the infamous Parker Abrahams. He needed for some reason to come here completely intoxicated, and pass out on my floor. Ugh, today really has not been my day…" Buffy said on the verge of tears, and then continued her little rant, "I don't want him here, but I don't even know where he's staying or anything. I think I should let him sober up in the living room, even if he truly does not even a smidgen of hospitality."

"Let me help."

"God, Mom would have an absolute bitch fit if she knew Parker was here. I think Parker is her number one on her most hated list."

"Don't worry about Joyce, if we can sober him up fast, she will never know he was even here…"

"Auntie, he reeks of alcohol… It might be a while."

"Well, let's just let him rest for a few hours," Darlene said while yawning, "I think I'm going to go up to bed. You should too, you've had a very busy day."

"I know, but I'm going to babysit Parker and make sure he's lucid before I kick him out."

"Good luck with that, Honey. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Auntie, I'll be okay."

Buffy sat on the chair opposite of Parker, and just was alone in her thoughts. First of all, she couldn't believe that the two men, who waltzed out of her life, made grand entrances back into it. Secondly, Parker literally fell off the face of the earth after Buffy told Parker she was pregnant. So who knew, what he had been up to…

As Buffy was watching Parker sleep, she found it uncanny his resemblance to Dawns. Their facial features, were identical. She should, know she spent a good part of her their relationship tracing the outline of Parker's face while he was passed out from either drugs or alcohol. She physically shuddered as those memories, made their way to the surface. The only time, Parker looked angelic was when he was sleeping… Now, it seemed as if that hadn't changed.

Glancing at the clock Buffy noticed that two hours had passed, and she was ready to succumb to her exhaustion and head up stairs when she heard Parker mumble, "Buffy? Is that you? Oh, god if it is I've totally fucked everything up."

"Oh, like that's suppose to surprise me. You've always screwed everything up, Parker, that's what your good for."

"I deserved that comment."

"Believe me, I'm trying really hard to understand that why after six years would you show up here, and of all nights tonight… What exactly are you after? I'm not exactly receptive to the idea of you showing up here drunk out of your mind, and then throwing yourself at me…"

"I did what?"

"Come on, don't play games. You know what you did."

"Obviously I don't if I'm asking you…"

"You showed up here completely trashed, and start making out with me."

"Ugh…"

"Sorry, I slapped you, but you did deserve it."

"Hey, you went easy on me…" Parked said, smiling, "You should have done a lot worse."

"Well, that thought crossed my mind… What are you doing here?"

"That seems to be the loaded question. I was planning on calling you, but Faith gave me your address, and I wanted to try and talk to you in person."

"Whoa, Faith gave you my address? The same girl who said I was, and I'm quoting her "Nothing but a vapid whore."

"Buffy, she's changed too you know."

"Well, good for her but I really don't give a shit," As much as Buffy said she didn't care, Parker knew she did.

"Her cousin, Amy Walker said had mentioned you went to school with her."

"Wait, Amy Walker, my one of my best friends from high school is actually Faith's cousin? My mind is blown, but continue..."

"Well, I'm going to have to start at the beginning."

"By all means, go ahead."

"Okay, remember when you told me you were pregnant?"

"Hard to forget."

"I know, I was a complete asshole. I was also coked out of my mind, when you told me. I reacted so badly, and then after the high wore off, I remembered what I said to you, and I felt horrible. I went to look for you, and apologize but when I saw you at the park, I completely chickened out."

Parker now had Buffy's full attention. She remembered that night in the park. It was the first time, the thought of abortion came to her mind. It would have been easy; her parents didn't know, her friends didn't know, she could easily go to the clinic and terminate her pregnancy. It was exactly what Parker had wanted her to do… She got as close as thinking about doing it, when her subconscious kicked in and told her that what she was thinking wasn't a good decision for her.

"Anyway," Parker continued, "Seeing how alone and sad you looked, it broke me. I promised myself that I needed to change. No more coke, booze, pills, you know the whole gamut… I did some real self-evaluating and checked myself into rehab. At eighteen years old, my life was going down the tubes. I knew by nineteen I'd be dead if I didn't get it together. I didn't have anything, I barely graduated high school, had a pregnant girlfriend, who was still in high school herself, a completely dysfunctional home life, I mean come on you met my parents… My mom was obviously on her third glass of wine when she met you, and my father was high as a kite. I didn't want to be like them, I needed to be better. I wanted to apologize to you for what I said, because I really didn't mean it at the time… As you probably know, drugs make you do stupid things."

Buffy, nodded. Of course she knew.

"I was in rehab for a whole year, I know that seems really extreme but after the first six months, I relapsed and had to do the six months all over again. By the time, I got out, I went looking for you. I went to your house, and your father answered the door. After he punched me in the face, he informed me that you and Joyce relocated, and that I should stay the hell away. And, I did. I knew I really had to prove to you that I changed. I decided to enroll in the community college at the Gates, eventually went on to UCLA and got my degree in Business."

"I'm still trying to process this, Parker, it's quite a lot to take in…"

"Well, that's just the beginning Buff," Parker said and smiled.


	6. Awkward Situations Ensue

"Alright, so what else?" Buffy asked now genuinely curious.

"You've heard of that huge law firm in LA, Wolfram and Hart right?"

"Possibly…"

"Well, I am one of their main business executives. I'm starting to do alright, Buffy. I know I completely messed up any chance for a relationship with you, but I'm asking you now, if you'd let me try and have a relationship with our daughter… I know I don't deserve it, but I missed out on so much already."

"I don't know Parker, I can't have her meet you, like you and then be abandoned by you."

Buffy, mulled it over more. Dawn did need her father, just like Buffy still needed her father.

"I swear, I will do everything I can to not screw this up. You don't even have to tell her I'm her father, I can just be an old friend. We can just see how that goes."

"Okay, fine. But, there are some conditions. Number one, you are going to be introduced as an old friend. Number two, it's a short visit like lunch or something. Number three, this all happens on my terms. If all goes okay, we can talk about what happens next. Parker, I'm trusting you. Against my better judgment, I can see that you really are different. Although, the little stunt you pulled showing up here drunk, was not exactly promising."

"Buffy, I seriously had no intention of coming her tonight, especially drunk. I was nervous, and obviously I handled the situation poorly. But, it won't happen again."

"Better not mister," Buffy exclaimed while poking Parker in the chest, "If you in any way hurt Dawn, you will be out of her life forever… Got it?"

"Buffy," Parker said while giving the petite blond a huge hug, "You won't regret it."

The sense of Déjà vu, was overwhelming to Buffy. There were so many thoughts and feeling coursing through her body, Buffy didn't know what to feel or think. "Uh, Parker your crushing me," Buffy blurted out. "Sorry," Parker exclaimed while pulling back. "No, it's okay," Buffy said while an awkward silence descended in the room.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to crash here, but you don't have a car do you?"

"No, it's in the Bronze parking lot."

"It's late, and my mom would have an absolute fit if she found you on the couch… I guess you could sleep in my room… Crap, Dawn usually jumps on me to wake me up in the morning."

"Buffy, I can walk to the Bronze. It's really no big deal."

"Parker, it's close to 3 in the morning. It can be sketchy down there, I should know it was the hangout in high school. Okay, here's the deal: If you want you can sleep in my room with me, but I will kick you out around 7, and you will have to shimmy out my window."

"That's not going to complicate things?"

"Parker, we are already complicated. It's the most logical solution. Come on, I have some sweat pants and a t-shirt you could borrow, because you kinda smell like your own vomit and I draw the line at sleeping next to your vomit too."

"Ha-ha, always the jokester."

"Shut up," Buffy whispered while walking up the stairs, "My room is the last one at the end of the hall. Quiet. If you wake up anyone, I will kill you."

"Ooh, your scary when you are threatening," teased Parker.

Opening up the door to her room, Buffy walked over to her dresser and found the t-shit and sweatpants that she knew would fit Parker, "Here," she said while throwing the clothes at him, "Try these."

Parker held the T-shirt up to him, "Ex-Boyfriends clothes? These are way too big for you."

"No, you moron," Buffy said while chucking a pillow at Parker, "When I was pregnant, that's literally what I would live in. They are actually the most comfortable things I own, so consider yourself lucky."

"Hey, beggars can't be choosers."

"That's for damn sure," Buffy said while grabbing her pj's, "Be right back, I have to change and brush my teeth. Are you going to be okay unsupervised for like 2 minutes?"

"I don't think I'll make it without you," Parker deadpanned.

Quietly exiting the room, Buffy shut the door behind her. 'What a strange day, this was turning out to be,' she thought to herself. After putting on her pj's, brushing her teeth and hair, Buffy walked back into her room and saw Parker looking at a photo of her and infant Dawn.

"You know for two fuck-ups like ourselves, Dawn's a really great kid," Buffy said startling Parker, who almost dropped the picture frame.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you come back," Parker apologized.

"It's okay, I was trying to be quiet anyways. Sorry, for startling you," Buffy walked over to the bed and pointed, "What side do you want?"

"Any sides good, it's your bed. I don't want to mess with your sleep Buff. As I can remember, you were always grumpy in the morning."

"I am not a grump," Buffy huffed, "Shut up and go to bed."

After the two exes got on their respective sides, Buffy tried to go to let sleep succumb her… "Well, this is weird," Parker blurted out in the silence of the room.

"Thank you, captain obvious," Buffy responded.

A pregnant pause followed, "Night Buffy."

"Night Parker, try and touch me while I'm sleeping and I will kick you."

"Empty, threats," Parker said while yawning.

The two exes, fell into a peaceful sleep, until they overslept, and a energetic six-year-old jumped on Buffy's bed. Successfully, waking up the duo that woke up tangled in each other limbs. Talk about an awkward situation.


	7. Explinations are Necessary Evils

"Mommy, Mommy!" Dawn yelled while jumping up and down but suddenly stopped because she noticed Parker, "Who are you?"

"Shhh, Dawn! Inside voice. This is my friend Parker," Buffy gestured towards Parker, "He is from Los Angeles. He slept over because his car broke down… He's actually leaving now."

"Hi, Dawn. Nice to meet you," Parker said while getting up and rushing toward the window. Carefully opening it, he said, "But I got to go now. I will call you later, Buffy." Gracefully, falling out the window, Parker booked it down the street, leaving Buffy to answer Dawns inquisition.

"So mommy, who's Parker and why was he sleeping in your bed?"

"Uh, he's an old friend. We use to go to school together when I lived in LA. He came over after you were sleeping and we stayed up late to talk and catch-up."

"Oh…" satisfied with her answers Dawn changed the subject, "Make me funny face pancakes?

"Sure, but you have to promise me something okay… Don't tell grandma that Parker was here. She was never one of his biggest fans. Auntie Darlene knows, but Grandma doesn't…"

"Ok, fine mom. Won't tell. Got it… so pancakes?"

"Alright munchkin, pancakes it is. Want a piggy back ride down the stairs?"

"Yes! Piggy back, piggy back!" Dawn giggled excitedly.

About a half hour later, Joyce came down stairs and just took in the scene unfolding in front of her. Buffy and Dawn were in the middle of a water fight, one of which Buffy was loosing.

"Dawn! I am totally going to get you back for this," Buffy said while sneakily taking the hose away from Dawn.

"Mom, that's so not fair," Dawn pouted, "You're so much stronger then me."

"Too bad, that's what you get for trying to cover me in cold water…"

"Grandma!" Dawn exclaimed while seeing her grandmother standing in the doorway. She attempted to her give her a hug, "No way Dawn, your wet. Why don't you go upstairs and get a towel. Bring one down for Buffy too."

"Grr," huffed Dawn, "fine."

"Dawn, no grr-ing at your grandmother," Buffy admonished, while Dawn was already halfway up the stairs.

"I see you already have this parenting thing down," Joyce said while rummaging in the cabinets for a mug, "Although, I have to admit, the little scene I just saw unfold made me question if you were both six year olds."

"Good one. You made a funny, mom," Buffy laughed, "Your sort of getting the hang of this whole humor thing."

"So I was wondering, if I should even broach the topic of the surprise visitor we had yesterday…"

"Which visitor?" Buffy said without thinking.

"Your father. Did we have any other visitors?"

"Nope, only dad," Buffy quickly changing the subject, "Yesterday would have been a really good day to buy the lottery, maybe we could have won."

"You know honey, I was thinking the exact same thing."

"See, so should have bought a ticket."

"Next time. So how were you feeling?"

"Other then feeling like I was in an episode of Twilight zone and the du-da-du-da-du-da song was playing in the background, I was okay."

"It's just... I know the situations hard, You just always want to remember your father adores you and Dawn- no more then I do by the way. I was just wondering if this stirred up all those pesky divorce memories…"

"Thanks and Mom, don't worry. I'm over the divorce. I officially release you from all guilt."

"That's not what I was getting at. You feel like putting that in writing?"

"Two funnies, in one day. That must have been a record, and yes you are all free of the teenage guiltage I made you feel."

"Well, thanks honey."

"Anytime."

"So, are you seeing your father today?"

"Maybe, if he calls. You know it depends on how dependable he feels like being."

"Oh, I also wanted to let you know Willow called, she said she would be stopping by after her final. She needs to drop off your text book."

"Wait, she's coming here today?"

"Buffy, she's your best friend. Is this a problem?"

"One word: Dawn."

"Oh. Right, you told me yesterday they had no idea..."

"Well, they never asked, and having the whole, "I was once a slut who got knocked up at fourteen," isn't really a fun convo."

"Buffy, it's been five years. I'm shocked you didn't tell them…"

"Angel knew."

"You were sleeping with Angel, of course he knew."

"Mom!" Buffy exclaimed in shock.

"What? Come on, Buffy, you should be over this by now. I'm pretty sure you were well aware of how babies were made."

"Funny."

"You know if the gallery fails, I could always go into stand-up…"

"No, you should really stick to art."

"Oh speaking of art, did you notice the new Nigerian mask above the cupboards?"

Buffy glances over to where her mom is gesturing and sees the mask, "It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer. Plus it does nothing for the décor."

"You have no appreciation of primitive art."

"I have plenty of appreciation. But I got to go…"

"Where are you going?"

"Change. Duh. I'm still dripping, cause Dawn forgot those pesky towels."

"Oh right, go dry off."

"MOM!" Dawn screamed from upstairs, "See gotta go. Duty calls."

After pacifying Dawn who was having a meltdown because of her indecisiveness in outfit choosing, and drying herself off, Buffy decided that she needed to talk to Parker. She was feeling completely muddled. On one hand, she was pissed that he had the gall to just show up after six years. That fact really pissed her off. But on the other hand, just being around Parker, made her feel complete. Like a piece of her, she didn't know was missing, fell into place. It was a rather strange feeling, because as try as she might, on some basic primal level she still was in love with Parker. She thought she was over him… for one thing there was Angel. Angel was her savior, and made her feel loved again. But truth be told, she wasn't exactly devastated by their break up. The signs were all there, she just didn't see what was in front of her face.

"Ugh, I really need to stop thinking," Buffy said aloud to her empty room.

Suddenly, her cell phone buzzed. She went over to her nightstand and opened up her phone, **1 New Message from UNKNOWN. **

Clicking on her text message icon, she opened up her message:

_Hey Buffy, it's Parker. I took your phone number from out of her phone while you were changing. Sorry for being a stalker… haha. Anyway, want to get together tonight? Just you and me. At the Bronze, say 7pm?_

Typing her quick reply, which consisted of the following:

_Hey, you've always been quite a stalker… Remember you didn't leave me alone in High school? But sure, Bronze it is. Be there at 7. _

"Ugh, what am I getting myself into?" Buffy said to the empty room, again.

"Note to self: Remind me to stop talking to myself…"

Buffy walked down the stairwell, and went into her kitchen where she saw Joyce and Willow talking over hot chocolate.

"Hey Buff," Willow said, "I got your book. I was just going to leave it in the mailbox but Joyce saw me and told me I had to stay for some hot chocolate. She even had the mini marshmallows, so how could I resist." The power of mini-marshmallows…

"I totally understand the draw to the mini marshmallows, Will."

"So Willow," Joyce said getting up and making her way out of the room, "It's good to see you and catch-up."

"You too, Mrs. Summers."

"Honey, by now it's Joyce."

"Okay Joyce," Willow said, "Well that feels weird."

"Mom, keep Dawn entertained up there for me," Buffy asked her mother with a pleading look in her eyes…

"Sure thing."

"Oh, Sorry," Willow stuttered, "I didn't know you had company."

"Will, Dawn's not exactly company. She's my daughter."

"She's your who-what-when-how?"

"My daughter," Buffy responded feeling guilty.

"I think I'd remember you pregnant," Willow began, "But you were always super skinny…"

"I was fourteen, his name was Parker. We met when I started high school. I feel into the wrong crowd, got pregnant, and had a daughter. Her name is Dawn, she's six years old. She's been living in Chicago with my Aunt Darlene. I raised her until she was a year old, and then my mom relocated to Sunnydale, and I realized I couldn't continue going to school while raising a toddler. Darlene couldn't have kids, so Dawn was like a daughter to her anyway. It was the perfect solution, Dawn could have a semblance of a normal upbringing, and I could finish high school. Now, Aunt Darlene got a job in New York that involves traveling, so Dawns going to be living here full time."

"Whoa this is a lot to process, Buff," Willow said totally shocked.

"I know, I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"Darn tootin' you should have, "Willow said while attempting to leave.

"Will, wait. I'm really sorry," Buffy said trying to stop her.

"Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me."

AN: Can anyone guess the episodes I found the quotes from?

Disclaimer: Still don't own them, Joss is boss.


	8. The Box in the Closet

"That conversation went well," Buffy lamented sarcastically, as she heard the door behind her slam.

"So, I take that as not a good sign?" Joyce commented while entering the kitchen.

"It went totally peachy with a side of keen."

"You can't hide behind your sarcasm Buffy."

"Can't I try…"Buffy said on the verge of tears, "Will hates me. I know I'd be pretty pissed to find out my best friend never told me about her daughter for five years… Honestly, this sucks. I suck."

"Buffy, you don't suck. You were just afraid."

"Well, that still doesn't make it any better does it?"

Joyce just looked at her, "Mom, enough with the puppy dog eyes. No wonder where Dawn learned that behavior."

"I'm not giving you the puppy dog eyes…"

"You totally were."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Fine, I accept defeat," Buffy said mock surrendering.

"Finally."

After a moment of silence, there was a knock at the front door.

"At least it isn't the door bell this time…" Buffy said while going to the door.

"Hi."

"Hi Will."

"I'm sorry how I reacted, I was a jerk. I was a big mean jerk. Although, you were kind of a jerk too."

"I know, I was… I really should have told you."

"You should have, but I just think I'm hurt more by the fact that you didn't trust me enough to tell me."

"Will, it's not that I didn't trust you. It's not that I didn't want you to know, or even keep it some big Buffy secret, I was afraid you'd think differently of me."

"Buff, how could you say that?"

"Will you didn't know me before, I was a druggie, party girl, and all-around slut."

"So, you were my friend when I was a nerd."

"Will, you're still a nerd."

"Jerk," Willow countered.

"Delinquent. "

"Tramp."

"Bad seed."

"Bitch."

"Freak," Buffy said while both she and Willow broke out in hysterics, "Good to see you still got those insults in you."

"Girl, you know it."

"Well, should we hug this out?"

"Of course," Willow said while embracing Buffy, "Besides, I can't wait to meet mini-Buffy."

"Right, Dawn. Let's go upstairs, I'm sure my mom has her glued to the television."

"Alright, sounds good," Willow said while walking upstairs, "Does mini look like you?"

"She does, except for the dark hair and blue eyes."

"Hey, Dawn," Buffy said while opening the door to Joyce's bedroom, "This is Willow, my best friend since high school."

"Hi, I'm Dawn," Dawn said while never taking her eyes off the screen.

"See I told you," Buffy whispered to Willow, "She's like sucked in the screen."

"She's so little."

"She's only six."

"Well, yeah but it's not everyday you meet your best friend's six year old."

"Touché."

"Gosh, Buffy she really is all you."

"Not really, I mean you should meet her dad. She's all him," Buffy said while leaving Dawn and dragging Willow into her room.

"Well, do you have any pictures? Cause as an objective third party member with no real judgment, I can totally give you an outsiders opinion."

"Actually," Buffy said, "I can do better… Want to meet him?"

"He's here in Sunnydale?"

"He kind of slept over last night."

Willow's eyes got as large as saucers, "No way."

"Get your mind out of the gutter. Not like that," Buffy said realizing what her friend might be thinking, "He showed up last night really drunk, and passed out on my couch. So being the nice person, I am, I watched him to make sure he didn't choke on his vomit."

Willow nodded in understanding.

"So, after he sobered up a little bit, we got to talking. He told me that he's some business executive at this big law firm in LA, and completely turned his life around. He also clued me in, on the fact that he was in rehab the first year of Dawn's life, which is why he never saw her."

"Wow."

"I know, it's pretty crazy. I just don't know if I believe him."

"What does your mom think?"

"Uh, Buffy stammered, "She doesn't actually know that he was here, or that he sobered up… or that he tried to make out with me. The whole, 'I was here and violated your first born' isn't necessarily a winning point with mom."

"Whoa, he tried to make out."

"Um, yeah. For the briefest second, I let him."

"Well, I mean you are probably always going to have some feelings for him."

"I guess it's inevitable. I swear, when I was with Angel, I never thought about Parker for a second," Buffy slapped herself on her forehead, "Uh, how could I be so stupid?"

"I'm not really following your train of thought here Buff," Willow said.

"No, sorry. It's just for so long, I thought that Angel was the one. But it was dumb to think you met your 'one' at sixteen."

"Ya know, Buffy, did you ever think that maybe you'd have more then just 'one' one?"

"Wise words, my friend, wise words."

"Oh," Buffy said rushing to her closet, "Pictures of pre-Sunnydale Buffy are up here. They are in this old cardboard box," she said while pulling down a collection of blankets, "Ah, here it is."

The in question box was definitely old. It had inscriptions of song lyrics, and hearts with Parker's name in them, and the word "Faith" scrawled in tiny handwriting everywhere.

"Okay, before we open the box, remember what I told you, I was bad."

"Buffy, you do realize that a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."

"Willow, what you are about to see is images that I've tried so hard to bury."

"Being in the back of your closet isn't that far Buff," Willow in her voice laden with sarcasm.

"Alright," Buffy began, "Don't say I didn't warn you," she dumped the contents of the box all over the bed.

Once the bed was covered in images of teenage Buffy, Willow took the scene in. Buffy was not kidding, there were pictures of her with various guys in clubs a few of them had Buffy in questionable positions. There were a lot of pictures of Buffy and a brunette girl, who by all accounts looked a little rough around the edges. Other then the images, there was a dollar bill, with the words, "Buffy's nose only."

"Buffy, what the heck is that?" Willow asked while holding the dollar bill.

"Will, think about it…"

"Oh," Willow said while a look of realization flashed across her face, "Gross," she said while chucking the dollar at Buffy.

Buffy started laughing, "Will, you so should have seen the look on your face."

"Okay, I'm going to try and pretend that never happened," Willow said scanning the images, before picking up a picture of Buffy and Parker, "This must be the infamous baby-daddy."

"Must you call him that?"

"No, but its kind of hilarious. And, as a completely outside third party objector, he's a total babe."

"Will, be careful or I might tell Oz, that you were just swooning over my baby daddy."

"I so was not, I was just appreciating is esthetic appeal."

"I rest my case."

"You know Buff, I've never seen this girl before," Willow said while pointing out a picture of Faith and Buffy dancing suggestively.

"That's Faith," Buffy said holding up the photograph, "We were best friends from the time I was five. We were completely inseparable and like sisters. We both were from broken homes, and because my parents were always fighting, Faith and I would go out partying all night, and not even going home."

"There where so many times, that when I got home in the morning, my mom didn't even know I had left. You know, I think back and I'm like I would absolutely kill Dawn if she did the same thing."

"Well, give her what 8 years?"

"Oh, no," Buffy shuddered, "Dawn is forbidden to even go out. I'm totally going to be one of those psycho moms that keep their kid on a leash. That's it, Dawn's getting a leash for her birthday."


	9. The Real Old Me

"Buff, that's definitely a little extreme."

"Believe me, I do not want a mini Buffy. I was a little hellion."

"Well," Willow said gesturing to the pictures, "I can see that now."

"Right, I was crazy. I pierced my tongue, got a tattoo of a dragonfly on my back, and dyed my hair really blonde," Buffy picked up a picture, of here and Faith sporting matching tongue rings, "This was really not attractive, and look at my eye liner can you say excessive much?"

"Uh, maybe."

"And that outfit, god, hooker much?"

"Well, it was just a rebellious stage."

"Will, I went from zero to one-hundred in a minute. I was extremely straight laced, like almost prudish to opening my legs for anyone with a penis, and getting knocked up."

"BUFFY!" Willow admonished.

"What, It's just the truth..." Buffy picked up the picture of her and Parker hardcore making out, "So Will, now that you know about my not so goody-too-shoe past, tell me, what do you think my number is…"

"I'm not sure, I get what you're asking me."

"Your number, the people you've been with?"

"Like sexually?"

"No close to god with…" Buffy deadpanned.

"Oh, gotcha. There was some subtext there wasn't there?"

Buffy nodded, "Duh."

"Okay, so is it high?"

"For a twenty year old sure, but granted I was with Parker the longest, which was like six months."

"Okay maybe three?"

"Try tripling that number," Buffy said without making any eye contact with Willow, "Parker took my innocence, but we weren't really official, plus we were coked out of our minds."

"Oh my gosh Buffy, that's err…"

"A lot," Buffy finished her sentence.

"Are you sure Parkers the father?"

"Will, I was a slut, but there was only one person I was sleeping with in the six months we were exclusive."

"Hey, just checking," Willow stammered, "No need to get all defensive."

And at that comment both girls started laughing hysterically.

"Buffy, you realize we haven't laughed like that in a really long time."

"See, look how much fun you can have when going over your hidden past... You don't have a daughter your hiding from me?"

"You know, your sarcasm is overwhelming in that last statement."

"I just worry how Xander is going to take it," Buffy said sighing, "He might be a complete jerk, because he get's so overly protective of me. Plus remember how in high school he had the biggest crush on me?"

"Oh yeah, I was so jealous that he liked you instead of me. I mean come on nerds are pretty hot."

"Yeah you got that whole, "I love math, ask me why" attitude going on."

"Shut up, Buff. I got a perfect score on my math SAT thank you very much."

"Ugh, no need to rub it in. I just wonder why did you really choose UC Sunnydale? I mean you got in everywhere, Ivies, Oxford, the world was your oyster."

"Well, to be honest. It was Oz, you and Xander. You all were still here, and I figured the world will still be my oyster in four years, but for now, I just wanted to be around my best friends."

"Aww, that's so sweet. I love you, Willow."

"I love you too, Buff."

"Okay, in all seriousness. We have to quell these love fests, and save them for those drunken times we shouldn't remember the next day…"

"Wait, Buffy, now that Dawn's here are you still going to be able to out and do the normal regular things?"

"Well, sometimes. I mean, I was never really one for normalcy."

"Good point."

"So want to help me pick out my outfit for tonight?"

"Absolutely, but shouldn't we clean off your bed to showcase our options."

"Sure, let's put the lid firmly back on my past."

After the two girls compiled all the pictures, and put them successfully back into Buffy's closet. Buffy begins rummaging through her options and pulls out a short black dress and holds it up to herself, "Hi! I'm an enormous slut."

She then pulls out a blue floral print, "Hello! Would you like a copy of 'The Watchtower'?", Buffy sighed, extremely exasperated, "I use to be so good at this!"

"Buffy relax, we've gone to the bronze numerous times. Just be yourself," Willow says while pulling out a white eyelet dress and jean jacket. She hands them to Buffy, "Here, try these."

"You know what Will, you might be on to something."

Buffy holds the dress and jacket up to her tiny frame, "This might work… You don't think it's too virginal?"

"Well, it's between enormous slut and future librarian…"

"You're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm Ms. Right."

"I should break out my fake idea, in the spirit of the old Buffy," Buffy goes over to her jewelry box and pulls out her fake, she shows it to Willow, "Kendall Hart," Willow read off the license, "I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up".

"What gives it away?"

"Looking at it."

"Okay, so maybe not the best ID in the entire world, but it got me into those LA clubs."

"Where you became bad Buffy, didn't anyone tell you beer is bad."

"Well, yeah they also told me coke and sex were bad. I apparently missed that memo too."


	10. Life Happens

AN: I haven't put a general disclaimer recently, so here it is: Don't own it, never will. Oh, and sorry for the confusion in the last chapter, I accidently replaced chapter 8 with chapter 7… Now everything is in its respective place. Also a huge thanks to my reviewers! You guys rock! Oh, and be forewarned: Shits about to get real. Real version now :)

While Willow and Buffy were still in the progress of picking out what Buffy should wear to the Bronze that night, when a very solemn Joyce entered her room, and gave some grave news, "Hi girls," Joyce began," Buffy, I just got off the phone with the hospital."

Buffy couldn't help but feel as if her heart dropped to her knees, "Mom, that's never a good way to start off a sentence."

"Buffy, your father's in the hospital. He had a massive heart attack. That's all they told me, but they need me to go over there, and fill out some forms… Apparently, I'm still listed as his medical proxy."

"I'm going with you," Buffy stated adamantly.

"Buffy, no one is here to watch Dawn."

"What about Aunt Darlene?"

"She had to leave really early this morning, and took a red eye to New York."

"I can stay with Dawn," Willow interrupted, "I don't mind, really. Besides, how hard can a six year old be?"

"Thanks Will," Buffy said rushing over to hug her friend, "You're the best."

The car ride over to the hospital, was eerily silent. Both Joyce and Buffy were stuck in their own thoughts. Buffy couldn't stop her mind from thinking, and the anticipation of not knowing how her dad was doing, was killing her. Joyce, had her hands gripped to the steering wheel with white knuckles. She wasn't even aware how she got to the hospital, because she was so stuck in her own reverie. Somehow, both Buffy and Joyce, made it to the ER, and asked for Hank Summers.

The receptionist at the desk told them to take a seat, that a doctor would be there to brief them shortly. Both Buffy and Joyce took a seat, with a zombie like stare on their face.

"I'm Dr. Sutherland, You must be Joyce Summers," the balding man said while offering his hand.

"Hi," Joyce said standing up and giving the Doctor her hand.

"Your Hank Summer's family?" Both Buffy and Joyce simultaneously nodded their heads.

"Hank is still in surgery, he appeared to have suffered a massive heart attack, and his left ventricle was damaged so we are having to put a shunt in. He's not out of the woods yet, but if we can repair the damage there is a solid chance that he will be okay. We will know more, after the surgery. I will keep in touch," Dr. Sutherland said, with a rather cold and detached voice. After saying his peace he went through the double doors, leaving Buffy and Joyce stunned in the waiting room.

After an hour of sitting in silence, Buffy's phone vibrated in her pocket, alerting her to a new text message. "Mom," Buffy said breaking the silence, "My cell just vibrated, I need to go check and see if it's Will."

"Okay, Honey," Joyce said completely detached.

After exciting the double doors, which lead to the entrance, Buffy let out the breath she was subconsciously holding in. She walked over to a bench, and let herself breathe. Buffy had a fear of hospitals. When she was little, her cousin and best friend Celia, died of the influenza. Since then, Buffy was terrified of death, and she associated the hospital with dying. She didn't even deliver Dawn in a hospital, she refused and opted for a home birth.

There was a nagging suspicion seeping into her conscious, that her father was not going to make it, and Buffy didn't know how to feel about that possibility. Honestly, at the moment life just seemed really cruel.

Buffy took her phone out of her pocket, and opened the mail icon, the screen read:

**2 New Messages From Parker**

**1 New Message From Willow **

Deciding that the message from Willow could be of more importance, she opened Willow's first:

_Hey Buff, Dawn and I are having a blast. Don't worry, we got everything under control. How's your dad?_

Buffy quickly texted her response:

_Well, now I have a new built in babysitter. Dad is in surgery. He had a massive heart attack and we don't know what's going on. They haven't told us much. I will keep you posted. Give Dawn a hug from me. _

She clicked on the Parker's messages:

_Hey Buffy, We're still on for 7 at the Bronze…_

_ Just making sure, we are still on…_

Oh, shit. Parker sent those messages two hours ago, and it was now five o'clock. Hitting the send button, she called Parker who answered on the first ring.

"Hey, What's up?"

"Hi Parker, I'm at the hospital right now…"

"Is it Dawn?" Parker interrupted, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, Dawn's fine. It's my dad. He had a massive heart attack, and he's currently in surgery."

"Do you need anything?"

"No," Buffy cried out holding back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Buffy, you're at Sunnydale Memorial?"

"Yeah."

"I will be there in five minutes."

"Okay," She said softly into the phone.

True to his word, Parker came walking up the sidewalk to where Buffy was sitting. Once he reached the bench, he sat down right next to her, and softly grabbed her hand and laced his fingers between hers. Letting go of all of the emotion, Buffy was trying to hold in, the tears freely cascaded down her face and she buried her head on Parker's chest.

Parker rubbed her back in soothing circles, kissed the top of her head, and just let her cry.

"Ugh," Buffy said between sobs, "I'm a mess."

"A very cute mess, though."

"How are you feeling?"

"Weak," came Buffy's response, "I'm use to being the strong and resilient one, this whole crying thing is very out of character for me."

"Well, it's okay to let people in Buffy," Parker said, "It actually makes people stronger."

"I don't feel very strong. I feel totally powerless. I have no control over this situation. I can only hope, that whatever higher power there is will give me another chance with my dad."

"Buffy, you are the strongest person I know. Even in our extremely unhealthy relationship, you were the strong one. You raised a great little girl and overcame every obstacle that was placed in your way."

"Parker," Buffy sobbed, "My dad, came back into my life the same night you did. There won't be enough time… There never is enough time."

"Buff, be positive. Your thinking about the worse case scenario, there are many positive outcomes. Your dad could be fine and you guys will eventually rebuild your relationship…" Parker's next sentence was caught up by Buffy placing a very gentle kiss on his lips.

"What was that for?"

"Why was is bad?"

"No, it was the best kiss of my life."

"Oh," Buffy said visibly relieved, and smiling through her tears, "That's good cause as far as kisses go, it was pretty high on my list too."

Parker decided to test Buffy's theory, and kissed her again more passionately.

"What about that one?"

"It was well above average."

"No, it was incredible," Parker began, "But what the hell are we doing?"

"Kissing," Buffy said, "It's relatively harmless."

"I think maybe we'd be asking for trouble rushing back into things. Not that I don't want to rush. I do. Believe me."

"Who said anything about rushing?"

"Buffy, your vulnerable. I don't want to take any advantage of you."

"Parker, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I just want to kiss you, and you to hold me. That's it, nothing more."

"Are you sure?" Parker said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Buffy laughed, "Down, mister. I'm a reformed bad girl," Buffy said while placing her head on Parker's chest.

Parker held Buffy closer, and placed his arms around her, "You know," Buffy said, "I could stay like this forever. Being a normal girl, in the arms of her normal boyfriend."

Catching her blunder, "Too soon?"

"No," Parker said, "Just the right time."


	11. Flour Everywhere

**An: Thank you for reviewing! I love all the feedback I've been getting. Now onto the story... **

"So," Buffy began, "as good as this feels, you do realize that I went from completely hating your guts to tolerating you in the span of 24 hours?"

"You passionately make out with all the guys you tolerate?" Parker teased, "I thought you said you were a 'reformed bad girl'."

"Oh be quiet," Buffy said, "I really don't want to go back in there."

"You got to face reality sometime."

"Will you go back in there with me?" Buffy pleaded, "I don't think I can manage on my own."

"Your mom, will kill me."

"Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot..." Buffy trailed off.

"How about this, you go back in there and tell you mom, you have to go back home and check on Dawn. Ask her to update you if anything changes, and I will drive you home."

"You know," Buffy said while placing a chaste kiss on Parkers lips, "You really think everything through."

"I am still taking you out though, and now more then ever you need a distraction."

"On second thought," Buffy said while thinking things over, "I don't want to leave mom alone."

"Ask her how she's feeling, and if she wants you to stay, then you should stay."

"Alright," Buffy said standing up and letting go of Parker's hand, "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here, waiting for you."

"Okay."

After checking in on her mom who assured her that she was fine, and that she should go check in on Dawn, Buffy went outside, and saw Parker still sitting on the bench.

"Hey," Buffy said startling Parker.

"Sorry, I'm a little jumpy," Parker explained, "Ready?"

"Yeah, I'm all set," Buffy said.

Parker held out his hand and Buffy took it, happily.

"So," Parker began breaking the comfortable silence, "I was thinking that we should take Dawn to dinner… I mean I was going to take you out anyway, so what's…"

"Parker," Buffy interrupted, "That sounds like a great idea. She's going to have to get use to you at some point, if we keep up with whatever it is we are doing."

"I don't know about you, but I forgot how much I genuinely like you," Parker said.

"You know, I was thinking the same thing," Buffy said in agreement.

"I never forgot how much I love you though," Parker said quietly.

"Me too," Buffy said softly, "And as hard as I tried to forget, I never could. It was like everyday it got a little easier, the pain hurt a little less, my heart didn't feel so broken."

"I'm sorry for leaving you so broken… I am going to have to spend everyday making it up to you."

"Just being here, and actually talking to me like this is a start," Buffy said, "It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. But, I think for some reason… No, it just feels different this time."

"Yeah, it does," Parker said smiling.

The ride back to 1630 Revello Drive was faster then anticipated, and Buffy was just happy to soak in the silence. Once she and Parker reached the porch, she grabbed his hand, and together they walked into the house.

"Mom!" Dawn cried, upon seeing Buffy and Parker, "Hey, I remember you! You were in my mom's bed!"

Buffy turned bright red, and Parker just laughed.

"You must be Dawn, I met you the other morning. My name is Parker."

"Hi Parker, that's a nice name," Dawn began, "Hey, that's my daddy's name too."

"Oh, hey guys!" Willow interrupted as she was coming down stairs.

Buffy sighed and silently thanked Willow who saved her from responding to Dawn.

"So," Buffy said, "What have you guys been up to?"

"Oh, it was really fun. Willow and I played Candy land, and I won. She also made me a super secret sundae, and I'm not suppose to tell you what's in it," Dawn lowered her voice, "Because, it's a secret."

"Great, thanks Will. I'm going to have a hyperactive six year old to deal with tonight," Buffy deadpanned.

"Hi, you must be Willow," Parker said while extending his hand.

"Yeah, and you have to be Parker," Willow said shaking Parker's hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"Oh, Buffy how's Hank?" Willow stated full of concern.

"He's okay, right now he's in surgery. But we will know more later," Buffy said giving Willow a look meaning that she would tell her more later.

"You guys had fun?"

"Oh yeah, oodles of fun!"

"Mommy, where's grandma?"

"She's still with grandpa. She'll be back soon."

"Oh," Dawn said seemingly satisfied with her response, "What's for dinner? I'm hungry," Dawn whined.

"How about going out to Dinner with me and Parker? Sound's better then me trying to cook you something…"

"Yeah Mommy, your not a very good cook. Grandma, is way better."

"Yeah, Buffy in the kitchen is very non-mixy."

"Oh yeah," Willow said adding her too sense, "She burns everything, even toast."

"Gee, thanks Will for the best friend support…"

"Hey," Willow said placing a hand on Buffy's shoulder, "I still would eat your bad toast without any complaints. But, I actually got to go. I will call you later?"

Buffy nodded, "Thanks again for watching Dawn, I owe you one."

"No problem. Anytime," and with that Willow shut the door behind her.

"Mommy, where are we going to dinner?" Dawn asked as soon as Willow had left.

"You know," Parker interjected, "I can cook if you're not up to going out…"

"Dawn," Buffy said shrugging her shoulders, "It's really up to you."

"Well, can you cook grilled cheeses? Cause grandma cooks them for me the best."

"That's actually one of my specialties."

"What does speshialies mean?" Dawn inquired.

"It means, that I can actually make a really good grilled cheese," Parker said smiling.

"Okay," Dawn said, "that sounds good."

"I actually need an assistant. Do you know anyone who could help me make the best grilled cheese ever?" Parker asked Dawn.

"Oh I can!" Dawn said jumping up and down and raising her hand.

"Can you?" Parker asked teasingly.

"I'm a better cook then mommy," Dawn said with pride.

"Well then, how about you show me the ropes and help me get everything we need…"

"Okay, I can do that," Dawn said while running in the kitchen.

"See you're already wrapped around her little finger," Buffy said seriously.

"She's a really great kid," Parker said putting his arm around Buffy, "You're the one who did all the hard work… She's great."

"Your not too bad yourself mister," Buffy said while leaning in for a kiss.

The clattering sounds of pots and pans interrupted the couple's moment.

"Are you okay Dawnie?" Buffy asked in a voice laden with concern, while rushing into the kitchen, with Parker close behind her.

Once she got in the kitchen, she visibly relaxed, and started giggling.

Dawn was covered in flour from head to toe, and the pans were all over the floor.

"Mom," Dawn whined, "This is no funny."

"It is funny, actually."


	12. Nightmares Become Reality

AN: Dialogue that you recognize from _Nightmares_ belongs to Joss & Co. I don't own it, never will.

After Buffy cleaned up a very messy Dawn, the duo walked down stairs and the smell of grilled cheese permeated the air.

"Yum," Dawn said entering the kitchen, "That smells so good!"

"Yeah," Buffy said in agreement, "Now the next stage is the taste test, are you ready?"

"Well, I am a really good food taster," Dawn said as Buffy and Dawn took their places at the counter.

"We'll see about that," Parker said while putting a plate in front of both Buffy and Dawn.

Dawn was the first to pick up her sandwich and took a bite, "Wow!" she exclaimed, "This is super yummy."

"I'm glad you like it Dawn," Parker said.

"Do you know what would make this better?" Dawn asked Parker while gesturing to her sandwich, "If the grilled cheese were shaped like Dinosaurs."

"Really…"

"Yeah, T-Rex's are my favorite. They are all GRRR!" Dawn said making dinosaur claws causing both Parker and Buffy to erupt in laughter.

The laughter was interrupted by the telephone ringing, Buffy answered the phone still laughing, "Hello," she said into the receiver.

"Hi Buffy," Joyce said in a monotone, "Can you come to the hospital?"

"Mom, is everything alright?" Buffy said suddenly nervous.

"No," Joyce stated plainly, "Hank died."

And with those two words, Buffy's life came to a screeching halt. Hank Summers, the elusive father for the past six years was gone… for good. A shell-shocked Buffy, dropped the phone, and noticing her blunder, she picked it back up, "Sorry, Mom. Be right there." After hanging up the phone, Parker and Dawn just knew that something is wrong.

"Mommy," Dawn began, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sweetie," Buffy replied still in a daze, "I'm fine."

She then turned her attention to Parker, "Can you drive me to the…"

"Absolutely," Parker said interrupting her and knowing exactly what she was asking him.

"You can stay with Dawn?"

"Of course," Parker said grabbing his keys, "No worries, Dawn and I will be fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"I'm fine," Buffy said with no emotion.

The ride over to Sunnydale Memorial was eerily silent even though Dawn's chatter was filling the emptiness, but Buffy was so stuck inside her mind that she wasn't even paying attention. The only thing she noticed was that Parker, gently held her hand the entire way. The small gesture, made Buffy feel a little better, but her thoughts were on overdrive. Buffy could not believe the turn of events, it was like she was on autopilot, and she felt completely numb. Nothing mattered, and yet everything mattered. The entire world was moving, but she was standing still. For so long, she considered her father to be nothing more then a sperm donor, but now, as they were trying to forge a semblance of a relationship, she realized that even though he was an absentee father, he still was an important person in her life. Now, he was gone. It was all too much, to comprehend.

Of all the memories that were scattered of her father in her mind, the only one that was on replay was the day Hank Summer's walked out of Buffy's life.

_Six years ago…_

_Buffy had just found out she was pregnant, and it was her father's turn to take her for the weekend. He showed up early, and asked to go out on a walk. There was something very peculiar about his behavior, and the conversation began awkwardly, "I came early because there's something I've needed to tell you. About your mother and me. Why we split up."_

"_Well, you always told me it was because..."_

"_Uh, I know we always said it was because we'd just grown too far _

_apart," Hank said annoyed._

"_Yeah, isn't that true?" Buffy asked. _

"_Well, c'mon, honey, let's, let's sit down," Hank said gesturing to a park bench, "You're old enough now to know the truth."_

"_Is there someone else?" Buffy asked quietly. _

"_No. No, it was nothing like that." _

"_Then what was it?"_

"_It was you." _

"_Me?" Buffy asked completely flabbergasted. _

"_Having you. Raising you. Seeing you everyday. I mean, do you have _

_any idea what that's like?" Hank asked almost disgusted._

"_What?" Buffy said on the verge of tears. _

"_Gosh, you don't even see what's right in front of your face, do _

_you? Well, big surprise there, all you ever think about is yourself. You _

_get in trouble. You embarrass us with all the crazy stunts you pull, the drugs, and boozing… and do I have to go on?" _

"_No. Please don't," Buffy said as a tear fell freely down her face. _

"_You're sullen and... rude and... you're not nearly as bright as I _

_thought you were going to be... Hey, Buffy, let's be honest. Could you _

_stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?" _

"_Why are you saying all these things?" Buffy said crying. _

"_Because they're true. I think that's the least we owe one _

_another… You know, I don't think it's very mature, getting blubbery when _

_I'm just trying to be honest. Speaking of which, I don't really get _

_anything out of these weekends with you. So, what do you say we just _

_don't do them anymore?" _

_And with one last jab, Hank seethed, "I sure thought you'd turn out differently." _

Buffy couldn't for the life of her, why that memory was popping up in her unconscious… That was one of the most horrible days of her life. It took her years, to realize that everything her father said was just malicious, heartless and cruel. She still wondered what had provoked him to say such things to her, and now she would never know for certain. The guilt her father made her feel for his failed marriage was an enormous burden to carry. She eventually, after years of therapy, realized that it wasn't her fault. It still bothered her, why her father would say those things to her so unprovoked… One of those questions she would never know the answer to.

"Mommy," Dawn said pulling Buffy out of her reverie, "Your at the hospital."

"Oh," Buffy said taking in her surroundings, "I guess I am."

"I promise, I will be good for Parker," Dawn said.

"Yeah, don't worry Buffy, we will be good," Parker said, "Call me, if you need a ride home."

"Okay, I will," Buffy said while getting out of the car. She walked over to Dawn's side in the back and planted a kiss on her head, "Love you."

"Love you the moon and back," Dawn replied.

Buffy walked away from the car, still in a zombie like state.


	13. Hurt

Disclaimer: All characters, dialogue, and lyrics belong to their respecitve owners. Brace yourself, this ones a tearjerker.

Somehow, Buffy made it into the hospital, and found her mother just waiting in those ominous green chairs.

"Hi Mom," Buffy said in greeting.

"Buffy," Joyce began tearing up, "I'm so sorry."

"Me too mom," Buffy said in agreement, "It's just really sudden, it all happened so fast. Yesterday, he was here trying to make amends and today..."

"It's always sudden Buffy," Joyce said interrupting, "You can never prepare for death, it just happens whenever it wants to."

"I should feel sad," Buffy said, "But I don't. I mean on some level, I do. But I just remember the day he walked out of my life blaming me for everything, and I just can't get myself to feel empathetic… Am I a bad person?"

"No honey," Joyce said, embracing Buffy, "You're human. I completely understand, because I keep replaying in my mind all of our nasty fights, and the mean things we said to one another. I remember how much I hated him for leaving you. I don't hate him anymore; I forgive him. I just can't forget…" Joyce said crying, "Your dad wasn't a malicious person, he said some nasty things, but the real Hank, was good. He was a good person. "

"I know," Buffy said.

"I'm glad you're here Buffy," Joyce said genuinely, "But what about Dawn."

"Don't worry, Par," Buffy said realizing her mistake, "Willow's watching her."

Buffy and Joyce's conversation was cut short by some news.

"Family of Hank Summers," A small man in a white coat said pointedly to Joyce, "I'm Dr. Ponds, the surgeon on Hank's case. I'm really sorry, for your loss. I know Hank's physician told you about twenty minutes ago that Hank's no longer with us, but I'm the cardiologist assigned to his case and I wanted to personally, offer my condolences."

"Was there anything we should have noticed, that could have prevented this?" Joyce asked the doctor.

"No. The thing about heart attacks is that they just happen. We did the best we could when he was brought in but it was really late in the game."

"Was he in a lot of pain?" Buffy asked.

"When he died?"

"I don't believe so, but when he was brought in he wasn't very responsive," Dr. Ponds stated, in an almost detached voice.

"So what do we do now?" Joyce asked.

"Well, as his medical proxy, you have some release forms, and paper work to fill out. It shouldn't take much time. Then there will be some decisions you have to make…"

"Okay," Joyce said, cutting the doctor off, "Thank you. Thank you, doctor."

"Again, I'm sorry for your loss," Dr. Ponds stated while leaving.

After Dr. Ponds leaves, Joyce gets up and goes to the reception desk to get the forms. Buffy just sits down and just stares at the whitewash walls.

"Hey Buffy," Joyce began sensing her discomfort, "Why don't you call Willow to come and pick you up? You don't have to be here for this… I'm just going to fill out the forms and then call Hank's parents. That should be a interesting conversation…"

"Okay," Buffy said reaching for her cellphone, "You'll be okay?"

Joyce just nods, and Buffy takes the silence as a cue that it's all right for her to leave.

Once outside the hospital, Buffy let's out the breath that she didn't know she was even holding. She takes out her cellphone, and calls Parker who picks up on the first ring, "Hey," he said.

"Hi. Can you come pick me up?"

"I just put Dawn to bed…"

"Call Will, she will come over. I just need you to come and get me. Dad's dead."

Silence.

"No way," Parker said disbelievingly, "I'm so sorry Buffy."

"Me too," Buffy said quietly, "Will's number is on the fridge."

"Okay, I'll call her. Be there as soon as I can," Parker said hanging up.

Buffy shut the phone, and stared at the landscaping surrounding her. The flowers, even in the dark were illuminated. The white lilies were a contrast to the night sky, as well as the bright happy sunflowers. She suddenly had a thought, her father would never get to see flowers again, and that fact made her very… depressed. Her father would never get to see her grow up; they would never get another chance at improving their almost non-existent relationship. He would never get to see Dawn again, and he just met her for the first time, yesterday. Sometimes, life was a cruel bitch.

Buffy didn't notice how much time had passed, when all of the sudden Parker was sitting next to her.

"Hi," He said softly putting his arms around her.

"No," she said honestly, "I'm not. I don't know how to act, how to feel, or anything. I've never done this before."

Buffy takes a deep breathe, "That was a stupid thing to say, obviously I've never done this before. I've never lost a dad before."

"Buffy," Parker said soothingly, "There is no guidebook on how to feel after you loose a parent."

"There should be, it would make life easier. Its just there is so much left unsaid, between us. I never even got to tell him how much I loved him... Nothing. He's not my dad anymore. He's just a body."

Buffy, shell-shocked at her own words tries to rectify the situation, "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," Parker, replied, "It's okay. Why don't we get out of here…"

"I don't want to go home."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Can we just go for a drive, there's Kingman's Bluff, overlooking the beach… We can go there," Buffy suggested.

"Absolutely, let's go."

The drive to Kingman's was relatively quiet until, a song came on, that hit every emotion Buffy was feeling, and she started weeping.

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face_

_You told me how proud you were but I walked away_

_If only I knew what I know today_

_I would hold you in my arms_

_I would take the pain away_

_Thank you for all you've done_

_Forgive all your mistakes_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do_

_To hear your voice again_

_Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there_

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do_

_And I've hurt myself by hurting you_

_Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit_

_Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss_

_You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this_

_Would you tell me I was wrong?_

_Would you help me understand?_

_Are you looking down upon me?_

_Are you proud of who I am?_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do_

_To have just one more chance_

_To look into your eyes and see you looking back_

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do_

_And I've hurt myself_

_If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that_

_I've missed you since you've been away_

_Oh, it's dangerous_

_It's so out of line to try to turn back time_

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do_

_And I've hurt myself_

_By hurting you_

**_Lyrics Belong to Christina Aguliera, no infringement intended. _**


	14. An Impulsive Decision

AN: Real life has been quite a bitch, but here's the next installment of Consequences in the Truth. Oh, and there is some insinuations to sexual situations… You've been warned.

Disclaimer: Don't known them, never will.

Buffy was exhausted from crying. She actually, was just plain old exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. Once she and Parker made it to Kingman's Bluff, they just sat in silence, closely snuggled up to one another staring up in the sky.

"Buff," Parker said quietly breaking the silence, "I know I haven't been there, but I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you," Buffy said kissing him.

The kiss grew passionate, and Parker pulled away, "I don't want to rush, Buffy. You're vulnerable right now… Again, I can't take advantage of you like that."

"Parker," Buffy began, "Its not taking advantage if I want to and believe me. I do. Right now."

Trying another tactic, Buffy pleaded, "Make me feel, Parker. Make me feel how much you love me," and she then kissed him, with more passion than the last one.

No words were said after that.

It was late, when Parker dropped her home. The sun was almost up, and unfortunately, so was her mother.

"Hi, Honey," Joyce said taking in Buffy's disheveled appearance, "Where have you been?"

"Out," Buffy said not elaborating.

"Really, cause it's two o'clock in the morning and the suns going to be up in three hours. Willow said she had no idea where you were, and we were both worried about you."

"I'm sorry. I was at Kingman's Bluff. I uh…" Buffy stammered.

"Honestly, Buffy, you look like you just had sex," Joyce said interrupting her daughter.

Not wanting to lie, Buffy silently weighed her options… Her mother would kill her, or be so tired by the day's events that she wouldn't really freak out that much.

"Mom, I was with Parker."

"WHAT!" Joyce yelled.

"Mom, relax. You're going to wake up Dawn," Buffy chastened.

"Dawn is the least of your problems," Joyce began, "How the hell did he even find you?"

"Faith."

"Oh, god."

"That pretty sums up my reaction."

"What is he doing here?"

"Short version: making amends."

"Okay, my brain is in processing overload, and all this information is giving me a migraine."

"I hope it's a funny migraine."

"Buffy, this isn't funny."

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I mean he showed up the same night dad did, and we stayed up talking. He's different now mom. He's changed. He's got a real job, kicked all his bad habits, doesn't do drugs anymore, and…"

"Okay Buffy," Joyce said irritated, "Stop. I am not done having this conversation with you. I need to go to sleep, my head is killing me, and I can't handle all of this right now. For the record, I am really disappointed in you."

"Sorry mom."

"We'll talk tomorrow, besides we need to plan logistics for your father's funeral," Joyce said.

"Night."

"Night mom," Buffy said while Joyce was already up the stairs.

Buffy soon followed her mother upstairs, but stopped in Dawns room and kissed her goodnight.

"Night, Dawn," she said into stillness of the night.

Buffy went into her own room, and found Parker in her bed.

"What are you doing here?" she said smiling, "Don't get me wrong this is a nice surprise…"

"I wanted to be with you, and your window was open…" Parker said honestly.

"Okay, well be quiet," she said shutting the door.

Parker got into Buffy's bed, "Come sleep with me… Wait I didn't mean it like that-"

"Good," Buffy said laughing, "Cause I'm spent. Pleasantly numb actually. You?"

"For now," Parker said smiling.

Buffy climbs into bed, and cuddles up to Parker, "You know a girl could get use to this…"

"What?"

"Being a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."

Parker laid a gentle kiss on top of Buffy's head, "Well, you're pretty close to perfect."

"Not so bad yourself," Buffy said yawning, "Good night."

"Pleasant Dreams," Parker said.

Morning came too soon.

"MOM!" Dawn yelled, jumping up and down on Buffy's bed.

"Dawn," Buffy said groggily, "Go back to bed." She rolled over and realized the space next to her was vacant. Now, fully alert, she got up and saw a note on the pillow.

_Buffy, _

_You were probably freaking out that I wasn't there, but I figured I'd stay until you fell asleep. I would have loved to have stayed all night, but Joyce probably would not have approved and I didn't want to have another strike against me. _

_ I will call you later. Love you._

_Always, _

_Parker_

To be continued…


	15. Words of Wisdom

AN: R&R please, I need some feedback. General disclaimer still applies, and I still don't own Buffy, so don't sue me.

After re-reading the note with a smile plastered on her face, Buffy got dressed and went downstairs, where she saw Dawn and her mother eating breakfast.

"Hi," she said in greeting.

"Grandma made pancakes," Dawn said gesturing to a stack on the counter.

"Oh yum!" Buffy said enthusiastically, "Thanks, mom."

Joyce, just stared and gave Buffy the look… Clearly, she still was not happy.

"Dawn knows about Hank," Joyce said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, I feel bad. I wish I got to know Grandpa better. Grandma said he's in a better place, I hope so. He seemed really nice," Dawn interjected.

"Me too," mumbled Buffy.

"There is OJ in the fridge if you want any…" Joyce said pointing to the fridge.

"Sounds good," Buffy said venturing to the fridge and then rummaging through the cabinets for a clean glass.

"Dishwasher. All the glasses are in there."

"Thanks mom," Buffy said reaching for a glass.

"I called your grandparents last night, they are going to fly in from Massachusetts."

"Really? Wow, I haven't seen them since, I was…" Buffy thought hard, because the truth was she couldn't even remember, "maybe Dawns age?"

"Yeah well, your father had a big falling out with them. So they hadn't even spoken to him in years," Joyce said.

"Is the funeral going to be in L.A.?"

"Yeah, we have to make arrangements today. Your dad wanted to be laid to rest in L. A., and he had specific instructions laid out. I remember this because after you were born, I made him go make a will."

"Oh," was all Buffy could think of saying.

"Mom," Dawn said interrupting Buffy's thoughts, "Is Parker going to hangout with us today? He told me yesterday when he was babysitting me that he was going to teach me how to make his famous grilled cheese."

Joyce looked a Buffy with a piercing glance, "So even Dawn knew about Parker?"

"Knew what?" Dawn asked while munching on her pancake, "That he slept over? I already knew that… He was here when I went to go wake up mommy the other day…"

Buffy shot Dawn a warning glance, "What I wasn't suppose to say that was I?"

"Dawn, why don't you go upstairs and watch cartoons. All the good ones are on Saturday mornings," Buffy said more as a statement, then as a suggestion.

"Okay, fine," Dawn, said dejectedly.

Once Dawn, went upstairs Buffy braced herself for her mother's wrath, but surprisingly, it never came.

"Mom," Buffy began.

"Buffy, stop. I've slept on it… and I've decided I'm not mad. I'm disappointed in you but I've come to understand, that you will always love the person you have a child with," Joyce said also referring to herself. "I just want you to be careful with your heart. I remember, how broken you were over Parker. I don't know the details, and truthfully, don't want to know the details. Let the past lay where it lies. It's gone. This doesn't mean that I am going all team Parker, but I trust your judgment. You've proven to me over and over again, that you're not the same fourteen-year-old girl you were. You're an adult, and have to make your own decisions. And against, my better judgment, it's your relationship and your life. Just know this one thing: If he breaks your heart, I will still be here to pick up the pieces."

Moved by her mother's words, Buffy gets up from across the table and embraced her mother.

"Thanks, mom. God, you are taking this so much better then I thought you would."

"Trust me, this is me being understanding. We are far away from the acceptance stage. But Buffy, seriously… Think before you act. Just tell me you used protection…"

"Uh, yeah," Buffy said blushing.

"Okay good, now let's please change the topic."

"What do we have to do for Dad's funeral?"

"Well, thankfully, your father left very specific instructions, so I just have to follow them. I called his lawyer, the one who set up his will, and he said he would fax the instructions, so I just have to go to the gallery and pick them up."

"Mom, it really hasn't hit me yet… that's he's gone. It was just so… sudden."

"Buffy, death is always sudden. You can't prepare for it, and one day your number is up and your expiration date is here."

"I just wish, there was more time. I mean he abandoned me, and then he came around looking for redemption. I don't understand his motives, like why now?"

"I don't know. I mean something must have triggered the memories somewhere in the deep recesses in his brain that he had a daughter, and granddaughter."

"It doesn't seem real. This doesn't feel like real life. I don't understand. Dad was here. Next to me, and we looked through pictures of Dawn," Buffy said tearing up," And now, he's gone. How we can go through this. I mean there's just a body, and I don't understand why dad just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And, and I can't help crying and just don't understand why…" Buffy said with full on tears.

"Buffy, no one knows why. I wish I had a better explanation but it just is."

"Life isn't fair."

"Sorry," Buffy said while wiping away her tears, "It's just I wish I could understand."

"I'm sorry too, Honey, I just don't have any answers for you."

"How did Dawn take it? When you told her about dad?"

"She didn't really understand. Heck, none of us understand."

"I should probably go check on her. Make sure she's okay," Buffy said standing up and retreating to the stairs.

Once she went into the bathroom, and saw the black mascara tear marks on her face, she realized that she looked terrible. She literally looked as bad as she felt. After cleaning up her face, she ventured into her moms room and saw Dawn immersed in cartoons, and lying down comfortably in the bed.

"Hey, Dawn," Buffy said sitting on the bed, "I just wanted to make sure, your okay…"

"Yup," Dawn said popping the 'p', "I'm okay. I'm sorry about Grandpa he seemed nice. I wish I got to know him better."

Buffy curled up next to Dawn, "Me too."

"Want to watch cartoons with me? It's a good one, there's a monster on crystal cove and Scooby has to stop it. I love Scooby! He's so funny."

"Dawn, how about we spend most of the day just hanging out and watching cartoons?"

"Yeah!" Dawn said wide-eyed, and curled up against her mother's form, "That sounds like the best way to spend a Saturday."

"I can't agree more…"

Catching the tail end of Dawn and Buffy's conversation, "Can I join?" Joyce asked.

"Of course," Buffy said lifting up the blanket, "Join in!"

Three generations of Summers women spent the entire day lounging watching Scooby doo. There were no words needed, the girls were able to just peacefully co-exist, and be in the moment, because they knew that the next days that followed would be harder.


	16. City of Angels

It was the day before Hank's funeral and Buffy, Dawn and Joyce were in the Jeep driving up the coast. Tomorrow, Wednesday, they were going to lay Hank to rest. The night air was cool and a breeze was coming through the windows. Dawn was asleep in her car seat, which left Buffy and Joyce, sitting comfortably in the silence. The family, was returning to the old house, the one Buffy grew up in. After the divorce, Hank never sold it, and Buffy hadn't been in it since the night her father blamed her for… well, everything.

"Honey," Joyce said ceasing the silence, "Are you okay? You've been awfully, quiet."

"I'm okay, just thinking. I haven't seemed to be able to stop… thinking that is."

"I know, me too."

"It's going to be strange going home. I haven't been there in over six years…"

"Yeah, me neither. After we headed to Sunnydale, you and I never looked back."

"Maybe it's a good thing, because I think I still have some demons there."

"Are you talking about Faith?"

"She's one of them. It just went so wrong… Maybe if I go back, I can really, truly move forward, you know?"

Joyce nodded.

"I was so naïve, so stupid and reckless. I don't know if it's possible to ever erase some of my decisions."

"Honey, one of the best things you've ever done is sitting in the backseat. Don't you ever forget that…"

"I know," Buffy said quietly, and looked at a peacefully sleeping six year old.

"Mom, tomorrows going to be so hard."

"It is," Joyce said in agreement and grabbed Buffy's freehand, "But we'll get through it. Together."

The rest of the ride didn't have much conversation. The impending funeral was the only thing on both their minds. When they rounded the corner on Buffy's street, the first thing she noticed was how much everything looked the same. After all, it had only been six years.

Once they pulled in the driveway, parked, and got a very sleepy Dawn from out of her car seat, the trio entered the house.

"Wow, this is exactly the same," Buffy commented as they walked into the hallway, "It's actually a little creepy."

"I agree," Joyce said taken aback.

"Mom, I'm tired," Dawn whined.

Buffy picked her up, "Alright, me and the munchkin are going to see if my rooms still the same and probably fall asleep. I really don't want to get the bags out of the car anyways…"

"Okay honey, I'll be up in a little while, I still have some paperwork and stuff

I have to do before tomorrow."

Joyce walked over to both Dawn and Buffy, "Night girls," she said giving them each a kiss.

Buffy and Dawn went upstairs, and Buffy found her old room. Granted, all of her things were with her in Sunnydale, but her father had basically left everything the same. It was almost like a shrine, kept there waiting for her to return one day. Her bedding, the blue and white polka dots, was still on her full sized bed. Her nightstand, dresser, and mirror were exactly where she had left them. There were still a few old posters and a couple photographs of the younger versions of Buffy and Faith that she neglected to bring with her. The giant poster of Billy idol was still looming over her bed. The complete sense of déjà vu was creepy, and yet kind of hysterical.

"Mom, Dawn said pointing to the poster above her bed, "Whose that?"

"Oh, Billy Idol, who looks remarkably like one of my ex-boyfriends."

"Oh," Dawn said yawning, "He's kind of scary."

Buffy just laughed, "Dawn, I might have an old t-shirt here that you can sleep in," Buffy said rummaging through her dresser.

"Got one!" Buffy said holding up an old pink nightshirt.

"Okay mommy," Dawn said yawning, "I'm tired."

"Me too, pumpkin."

"Mom, I'm a girl. Not a pumpkin."

"I know that silly, it's a term of endearment."

"Oh," Dawn said pulling on the nightshirt.

After tucking her daughter in, Buffy crawled into bed and Dawn snuggled up against her.

"Mom, is tomorrow going to be sad?" Dawn asked quietly.

"Yeah, it is."

"Where did grandpa go?"

"He went to Heaven."

"Is it nice there in Heaven?"

"Yeah, I think so I bet everyone's nice and it's warm there."

"Do you ever come back from heaven?"

"No, but someday, we all go to heaven."

"Oh, that sounds nice. Maybe someday we can see grandpa again?"

"Absolutely," Buffy said yawning, "Night princess."

"Night, mom."

"Wait mom," Dawn began, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but you told me someone named Parker is my daddy… Is Parker, the one who made the really yummy grilled cheeses my daddy?"

Buffy was now fully alert, and thought about how to answer Dawn, "Yes, Parker's your dad."

"Oh, good. He's nice."

"I'm glad you think so," Buffy responded.

"Mom?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to get married and give me a sister?"

"Whoa slow down there Dawn, Parker and I are together right now, but maybe someday."

"Oh, I want a sister. So could you work on that for me?"

"Dawn, please just go to sleep," Buffy said exasperated, "We can talk more in the morning okay?"

"Okay, night mommy."


	17. Before the Funeral

The sound of chattering downstairs woke up Buffy from her deep slumber. Dawn was still dead to the world, and was sleeping comfortably against her mother. She didn't even stir, as Buffy quietly got up and tiptoed down stairs.

Once she got into the kitchen, she noticed that all conversation had ceased.

"Good morning," she said with a voice full of faux cheer.

"Hi honey," Joyce said.

"Hi Buffy," an older women with shades of gray in her hair said, "I'm your grandmother, do you remember me?"

"Christ, Cecil," an older bald gentleman interrupted, "Of course she remembers, it's just been a while. Don't insult the girl's intelligence."

"Hi," Buffy said glancing at the pair, "It's good to see you guys again."

"Oh, you too honey," Cecil, said, "You use to call me Nannie, when you were really little."

"I was always Papa, but call me whatever you feel comfortable calling me."

"It's really nice to see you again, but I uh, got to go get ready."

Buffy suddenly felt really awkward around her grandparents so she excused herself and went upstairs.

"Buffy, we are going to be going in an hour! Wake up Dawn and get ready. I already put your suitcase in you room," Joyce called as Buffy was already up stairs.

"I don't know a Dawn, is she yours and Hanks?" Cecil asked.

Buffy caught the tail end of her grandmother's question and started chuckling to herself. She would leave her mother to deal with that…

Once she got into the room, and checked on Dawn, who was still fast asleep, Buffy opened up her suitcase and found her black dress, sweater, and pumps. She quietly retreated into the bathroom and began to get ready, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She saw that she looked exhausted, which called for copious amounts of foundation. She took out her waterproof mascara, which she already knew would be no use today, and applied it sparingly. She was going for more of a natural look, and think she nailed it. By the time, she applied her lip-gloss, and got the last touches on her ensemble, she heard a knock, followed by a squeaky voice, "Mom, are you in there?"

"Be out in a minute."

Buffy took once last glance in the mirror, and opened the door.

"Morning Dawnie, when your done we have to get you ready for the funeral."

"Okay," Dawn said.

"Grandma has breakfast for you downstairs, oh as well as my grandparents."

"Okay," Dawn said not really listening.

Buffy went back to the room, checked her cell phone, and dialed a now familiar number. The recipient answered on the first ring, "Hey Babe."

"Hi," Buffy gushed like a schoolgirl.

"How are you today?"

"I'm okay, but a little anxious. I know I'm going to loose it, and breakdown."

"Don't worry, I'll be right next to you."

"Good, I don't think I'd be able to make it without you."

"So, how's Dawn?"

"She doesn't really understand. She just knows I'm sad, and that makes her sad."

"She's too young to really understand the gravity of the situation."

"I know," Buffy, said changing the subject, "Want to hear something kinda funny?"

"What?"

"My grandparents who I literally have not seen since I was Dawn's age, flew in from Massachusetts. I met them this morning, and it was so awkward. As I was leaving the room, my grandmother asked who Dawn was, because I had said I was going to check on her. I left my mom to answer that one…"

"That is kinda hilarious," Parker said cracking up.

"I know, it makes me wonder what other awkward situations might arise today. You know mom had an obituary in the LA Times right? So that means that all Dad's crazy ex-girlfriends, or maybe even Faith might show up…"

"You are so overthinking this…"

"I know," Buffy lamented, "But it is a possibility."

"Listen, I got to go," Parker said, "Traffic is being a bitch and I really have to pay attention right now. I'll see you at the cemetery."

"Okay, Bye," Buffy said hanging up.

Buffy sat down on her bed, and tried to compose herself. Thankfully, she wasn't left long alone in her thoughts, because Dawn came running into the room like a bulldozer.

"Mom, I'm ready."

"Okay, so I got this dress for you," Buffy said pulling out a short-sleeved black dress and maryjane shoes.

"Ugh, mom, those are so boring," Dawn grimaced.

"Sorry kiddo, it's funeral attire."

"Fine," Dawn huffed, as Buffy began dressing her.

"Can I wear my hair up like yours mommy?"

"You want a bun?"

"Yes please it's pretty."

"Okay munchkin."

"Mom," Dawn asked while Buffy was putting the finishing touches on Dawns outfit, "Are we going to see Parker?"

"Yes, he'll be there right next to us."

"Mom, do you think he'd mind if I called him dad? You know, he's my dad and all."

"I think he'd love it!" Buffy gushed trying to hold back the tears.

"Mom, why are you crying?"

"It's just an emotional day Dawn."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you…"

"Dawn," Buffy said pulling her into a hug, "these are happy tears, not sad tears."

"Oh, you cry when your happy?" Dawn asked not really understanding.

"Yes, happy tears are good tears."

"Okay, got it. Happy tears are good," Dawn, said parroting back Buffy's last statement.

"Mom, can we go down stairs now?"

"Yeah, it's time anyway," Buffy, said glancing at the clock.

The mother daughter duo walked downstairs hand in hand, and into the kitchen.

"Morning Grandma," Dawn said while entering the kitchen.

"Hi Dawn, you look pretty."

"I look just like mommy," Dawn said glancing at Buffy who smiled in approval.

"Hi Dawn," Cecil said, "I'm your mother's grandmother, Nannie. This guy over here," she said gesturing to Hanks father "Is your grandpa Hanks father."

"Oh," Dawn said, not really understanding what this crazy lady was saying, but remembering her manners said, "Nice to meet you."

"Dawn, I have some cereal over here for you," Joyce said gesturing to a bowl already filled with cornflakes and milk.

"Yum, cornflakes are my favorite," Dawn said while grabbing the spoon in front of her and digging in.

Buffy grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down next to Dawn.

"So the service is at 10 right?"

"Yes," Joyce said.

"And there is a get together back here after?" Buffy asked while taking a sip of the most horrible coffee ever.

"Yes, it will be a lunch thing…"

"Dad wanted that?" Buffy asked surprised.

"I guess, it was in his plans."

"Oh," was all Buffy could think of saying.

"I'm done," Dawn announced.

"Alright," Joyce said looking over at Cecil and Hank who were engrossed in the morning paper, "Cecil and Hank do you want to ride together?"

"Sure," Cecil responded, "That sounds like a good idea."

And with that the family went out to the Jeep silently drove the scenic route to the graveyard.

AN: Next chapter is the Funeral with some guest appearances… Stay tuned for more.


	18. Familiar Faces, and Empty Places

The enormity of the cemetery was over-whelming, it made the reality of human life feel so fragile. The first thing, Buffy noticed, was the crowd of people gathered at her father's casket. She recognized a few faces, and one in particular stood out to her. "Faith," she whispered in shock. Her former best friend, looked so different. Maybe it was her attire, but Faith was wearing a long black skirt, and a simple black blouse. It was different to see Faith in something other then her trademark black leather ensembles, that honestly made her look like a dominatrix. The years had definitely changed Faith, one could tell just by looking at her, that she was different. There was a air of maturity that surrounded her. When the two girls locked gazes, there was a glimmer of apology in Faith's eyes. Faith made her way over to Buffy, Joyce and Dawn and expressed her condolences, "Hey B," she said using the old same moniker, "Long time no see."

"You too Faithy," Buffy said using her childhood nickname and giving her a hug, "Thanks for coming, it's really good to see you," Buffy said honestly. Joyce even stepped up and embraced Faith, "It's good to see you."

"I'm really sorry about Hank, I remember when B and I were kids and he use to spend hours with us trying to teach us how to play Basketball," Faith said remembering. She glanced at Dawn who was clutching Buffy's hand, "You must be little D," She looked back at Buffy, "She's all kid sized now, the little munchkin."

Buffy smiled, "Yup, she sure is."

"Buffy," Joyce said interrupting the reunion between the girls, "The Funerals about to start in five minutes, we have to go take our places."

"You're coming back to my house after, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it B," and with that Faith walked into the crowd.

Buffy walked hand in hand with her mother, and with Dawn on her hip, she took her place in front of the casket. Soon the minister began to eulogize her father, and she started tearing up, "_We commend to almighty God, our brother, Hank Summers, and we commit his body to the ground." _

Soon, she felt someone behind her and felt a pair of hands slip over her waist, and knew instantly who it was. "Hey," Parker whispered, "I'm here now."

In response, Buffy melted into his arms, "Thanks."

" _Earth to earth… ashes to ashes… and dust to dust," the minister said while the casket was being lowered into the ground, "The Lord blesses him and keeps him. The Lord makes his face to shine upon him and be gracious to him. The Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace. _

The eulogy was over and Buffy remained stoic, her tears had dried up, and she was now just void of any feeling. The only reason, why her breathing had remained steady, was because Parker was right behind her, making her feel safe.

After the hugs from people she hadn't seen in ages, and pointless conversational small talk, Buffy was exhausted. Dawn was also getting impatient.

"Mom," she whined, "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Buffy said in response.

"Buff, how about I take Dawn back to the house?" Parker asked.

Buffy nodded and as her eyes were fixated, on the casket, "Sure, I'm fine. I'm just going to stay here for a few minutes more."

"Okay, I'm going to take Dawn back to your dad's house."

"Dad let's go," Dawn said slightly exasperated.

A dumbfounded Parker, could only nod in response. He picked up Dawn, and the two walked away, and went towards his car. Buffy sat down in the grass, underneath the shade of a looming oak tree. After what seemed like hours of contemplation, a shadow emerged from behind her, "Hi," a familiar voice said, and Buffy looked up, "Angel?"

"Sorry I couldn't come sooner…" Angel said, with sadness in his eyes, as he sat next to Buffy on the grass.

"It's okay," Buffy, said quietly, "I'm glad you could make it."

After an awkward silence, "I'm really sorry about your dad," Angel said sincerely, "I read the obit in the paper, and knew you would be here. I know you guys weren't close…"

"Angel," Buffy interrupts, "My dad literally reappeared in my life the day before he died."

"Wow," was all Angel could think to say.

"I know. He wanted to make amends, for being an absentee father. It was like he cared… He told me he was proud of me," Buffy said crying.

"Buffy," Angel said reaching out to hug her, "It will be okay."

"Angel," Buffy said, "It's not. There's still so much left unsaid."

Sensing, that there were not going to be any words to pacify Buffy's tears, Angel just sat with her and let her cry.

"Angel, I'm scared for tomorrow…"

"What's tomorrow?"

"When normal life resumes… I've had Dawn, who's been a welcome distraction… She's living with me now," Buffy said, forgetting that Angel didn't know that fact, "and then there's Parker."

"Wait, Parker Abrams?" Angel asked with a flash of anger.

"Abrahams… yeah. He also fluttered back into my life, the same day Dad did."

"Your horrible Ex-Boyfriend? Who left you completely broken, and with a kid?" Angel asked furiously.

"Angel," Buffy said wiping away some of her tears, "You have no right to judge me. You left me remember? You said it was the best for me. Whatever the fuck that meant… You left me broken too. You cannot come waltzing back into my life, and expecting me to go right back to where we left off. Remember Prom? The night you told me you were leaving? Cause I do!" Buffy said seething with anger.

A remorseful Angel remembered. He would never forget.

_Flashback _

_Before Prom, at Angel's house. _

"_Buffy, after graduation I'm leaving." _

"_Well, me too. It's called college."_

"_No," Angel said, "I'm leaving." _

"_Where are you going?" _

"_I don't know. I just can't be with you... Your not over Parker." _

"_What?" Buffy asked flabbergasted, "How could you say that?" _

_Angel is silent, while Buffy continues, "I've given you everything. My heart, my body, and soul. Apparently, that's not enough."_

"_You say that, but I don't feel it." _

"_What more do you want from me? Honestly Angel, I don't understand. Where is this all coming from?" _

"_You've been distant lately. I don't know what's going on… But you won't let me in." _

"_It's called growing up, getting older, the whole gamut." _

"_Exactly, You're looking to the future. One that doesn't involve me." _

"_Angel, again, where the hell is this coming from?" _

"_Nowhere," Angel lies._

"_If you can't tell, me then we can't talk about this." _

"_Buffy, we're done." _

"_Angel," Buffy said crying, "how am I suppose to stay away?" _

"_It's easier this way…" _

_End Flashback_


	19. Confused, Conflicted, and Muddled

AN: I finally figured out where I want to go with this story, so onward.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Never will.

Weeks went by after her Dad's funeral and normal life resumed. It was an adjustment, especially with Dawn. There was that whole process of enrolling her in school, getting her things from Chicago, as well as just adjusting to be a full time mother. On top of her college classes, scheduled around Dawn's schedule, Buffy barely had time to think. Let alone time for any relationship with Parker, even though she had slept with him. But grief makes you do wacky things.

Parker was relentless, and proved to Buffy that he had gotten himself together for Dawn's sake. She had to admit, she was proud of him. But wasn't sure about their relationship because as of now they were on hold. The whole visit with Angel caused her emotional state to be even more muddled. He stirred up feelings, that had been dormant for a while. They had talked, after their argument about his abrupt departure, had been insightful.

Buffy learned that he didn't want to really leave her, but her mother had insisted on him breaking up with her. Apparently, Joyce thought they were too serious, and that Buffy needed to be freer. Especially, with college looming on the horizon. That night a conversation led to a blow out with her mother, and hostile feelings toward one another that seemed to be at an impasse.

Buffy found her thoughts going back to the argument, as she was getting Dawn to the car.

_-Flashback to Night of the funeral-_

_Everyone had left the Summer's residence, and Buffy was angry. Soon all her anger bubbled over and she couldn't contain it any longer, "Mom," Buffy began with her voice shaking, "How could you? How could you break Angel and I up? You knew how much I loved him. I wanted a future with him. He was my everything." _

_Joyce looked away and started to pick up the mess left, "So he told you…"_

"_Yeah," Buffy said seething, "He did. And you know what… I'm glad he did." _

"_Honey, I truly wanted what was best for you. At the time, Angel was not best for you. He was a distraction. You had come so far, and I didn't want you to slip back…" _

"_SLIP BACK?" Buffy interrupted, "What do you mean? Cause it's obvious that I'm such a screw up that you had to make important decisions involving my love life, or now lack of one for me. Who do you think you are? My life… is my life. Who I choose to be with is my choice. You had to scare away the one guy who wasn't like the others. He stayed, until YOU made him leave. You saw what I was like after he left. I was broken, hurt, confused, and my heart was breaking."_

"_See Buffy, that's the problem. I knew you weren't able to look past the moment. I knew you couldn't see that there was more for you out there in the world. You didn't have to be stuck here in Sunnydale, or tide down by any obligations. Dawn was taken care of and you didn't have to worry about anyone but yourself. You could go and be anyone you wanted," Joyce said reasonably. _

"_Yeah well, mom that's fine and dandy," Buffy said sarcastically, "But you are forgetting that I LIKED my LIFE. I had an amazing boyfriend, my friends were genuine, and I was on my way to UC Sunnydale with a full scholarship. But you took away the one thing that mattered. You know what," Buffy said walking out of the room, "I'm done talking about this." _

"Mom," Dawn asked while Buffy was putting her in her car seat, "Are you and Grandma still mad at one another?"

Buffy sighed. How to explain this to a six year old? Dawn was intuitive, she had figured out her mother and her grandmother weren't on speaking terms.

"Dawn," Buffy said buckling her in, "It's complicated."

"Oh," Dawn said already moving on to a new subject, "Am I going to see Daddy tonight?"

"Maybe," Buffy said trying to placate Dawn.

"Can we call him?" Dawn asked with an edge of excitement in her voice.

"You can," Buffy said handing Dawn her cell phone, "Just hold down number 3."

Dawn did what Buffy said, and surprisingly Parker picked up on the first ring, "Hello beautiful!"

"Hi Daddy!" Dawn's voice chirped on the other end of the phone.

"Oh, I thought you were mommy. But can I tell you a secret, you're prettier."

"Hey," Buffy said into the phone, "I heard that mister. Dawn here wants to know if you would take her for dinner. I have no objections. I have a ton of homework to do anyway."

"That's not a problem," Parker said, "You know you should come too. If your not too busy with that homework. Plus," Parker lowered his voice to a whisper, "We should probably talk about our relationship."

Parker had a point. They really did need to talk, but Buffy wasn't sure of what she wanted to do. She loved Parker. He was comfortable…familiar. Her problem was she didn't know if she was still in love with Parker. Or capable of falling in love with him again. If she were being completely honest with herself, she was still in love with Angel. She knew that there would be a part of her heart specifically owned by Parker. He was her first real love. But she was immature, and so was he. They were just kids. The love she felt for Angel was different. She wasn't able to put it into words, because there wasn't a name for her love for Angel. She felt like such a heart slut, and it was breaking. She knew how she felt, but she didn't know how Angel felt. She was just confused.

"Alright, Parker," Buffy said, "I'll be over with Dawn tonight. We'll talk. Maybe I'll even bring some homework."

Parker laughed, "Who are you and what have you done with the rebel school girl?"

Buffy froze; she suddenly realized she was never going to be that rebel schoolgirl again. Parker didn't love the new Buffy he loved the fourteen-year-old version of her. Buffy didn't love the responsible Parker, she loved the old one…  
Was she capable of loving the new Parker? And where did Angel fit into this?

Gosh, she was so confused.

"Yeah," she said deflecting, "We'll be there later. Bye."


	20. A Psych Lesson in Love

AN: I know the timeline is a little eschew but I added elements of season four (like Walsh and Riley... Don't worry it's only a cameo. Not a staring role).

I'd also really appreciate some reviews, I need some constructive feedback. Even if you say, "This sucks, and your crazy."

Disclaimer: Don't own'em. Never will.

After Buffy dropped off Dawn, she headed to class. Today was Psychology with Maggie Walsh and Riley Finn, the TA who hit on her relentlessly. She was not looking forward to a hour and a half lecture. Because after, she knew that Riley would ask her out again, and she would say no… again. She found Willow in the room, once their eyes found one another Willow waved her over.

"Hey, did you do the readings?" Willow asked as Buffy sat down next to her.

"The readings in the book?" Buffy asked seriously.

"No the other readings," Willow responded with sarcasm.

"If it involved looking in a book, then I'm going to have to respond with a resounding no. So what was the gist? Anything worth mentioning?" Buffy said while opening up her textbook.

"Chapter Seven," Willow said while watching Buffy struggle to find the right page.

"Oh looky here in the booky, it's the chapter on love," Buffy deadpanned.

"Coincidence?" Willow teased.

"Will, there are no such things. Maybe this will be insightful or something…" Buffy trailed of midsentence.

"Well, your love life seems on the up," interrupted Willow.

"Key word: seems. Will, I have to tell you…" Buffy said, but was interrupted by Professor Walsh who walked into the classroom commanding attention.

"Good Morning, I hope you all did your reading," the small blonde haired woman said while slamming papers down on her desk, "Cause I want to know who knows the three stages of love?"

"Professor Walsh," Willow said raising her hand, "The three stages are lust, attraction and attachment. In the uh, simplest terms."

"Very good Willow," Professor Walsh said while heading over to the white board. She picked up a black marker and wrote what Willow said.

"Does anyone know what stage lasts the longest?" Prompted Professor Walsh.

"Attachment?" A student in the back offered.

"That's the stage that should last the longest… but today, considering the divorce rate no one tries to stay together. Consider this scenario; say you were married for twenty years, with kids, and suddenly some day you just fell out of love. What would you do?" Professor Walsh asked the class.

The silence in the room was deafening. "See," Professor Walsh probed, "No one knows. You can't imagine what it's like to be married for twenty years, cause most of you probably are twenty, and kids are not even something your thinking about. But you guys have parents…" Professor Walsh suddenly switches topics, "Okay, can I get a show of hands as to how many students in here are products of divorce."

More then half the students in the rooms raised their hands including Buffy and Willow. "Well, that's very telling," Professor Walsh, commented.

"Professor Walsh," Buffy interjected, "What if in the scenario you posed, that you loved the person you were married to, cause obviously if you have kids with someone there is always going to be attachment, but what if you realized you weren't in love with him, but in love with another person. I have a daughter and I know now, that on some level I will always love him, her father, but I'm not in love with him. If that makes any sense at all…" Buffy finished realizing that she was speaking her thoughts aloud. She got extremely self-conscious once she felt all those eyes on her.

"Actually, Buffy, what you just said makes perfect sense and is a perfect segue to the next point I want to make because Buffy said it perfectly, there is a huge difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Let's talk about the hormones associated with being in love," Professor Walsh said continuing her lecture.

Buffy sat through the entire thing in a daze. She took notes, and even highlighted things that were going to be on the upcoming quiz. She also tried to avoid the glares Willow was sending her way. Eventually, Walsh announced that class was over, and Buffy grabbed her stuff, and tried as fast as she could to leave the room. Unfortunately, Willow, was hot on her heels.

"Buffy," Willow said grabbing her arm trying to get her to stop, "What the heck was that?"

"Nothing, just rambling thoughts…" Buffy lamented.

"You just told our entire psych class, about your feelings for Angel, before you even talked to me." Willow said rather annoyed.

"Will," Buffy began…

"Don't you Will me, Missy," Willow interjected, Two weeks ago it was all 'I love Parker,' and 'I slept with Parker,' and now it's 'I think I'm not in love with Parker.' Buffy, I could read the subtext that was rapidly becoming text. I know you are not over Angel. You guys had this big love. I've seen you with both Angel and Parker. I can see that with Parker you are little this little girl in love, but with Angel, that was a real relationship. From my standpoint you have lusty feelings for Parker. You have both the lust and attraction part down pat, obviously. But you are definitely attracted and attached to Angel. Therein lies the problem. You love Parker, sure he's Dawn's father's dad. But your in love with Angel," Willow said with absolute certainty.

"I know, god I'm still in love with Angel," Buffy mumbled, "I'm just so confused. Parker and I were all super couply in the beginning, but now it's just different. I don't think a part of me could ever truly trust him. I trust Angel wholeheartedly. I know he's a good man. He even left Sunnydale because he didn't want to anger my mother…" Buffy trailed off forgetting that Willow didn't know, "Oh yeah, mom went to Angel before graduation because she thought we were too serious. Whatever that means in her twisted mind."

"Whoa," Willow said shocked, "Okay, this is a lot to process.

"I know it is for me too. We can go do Mocha's and talk later?"

"Sure," Willow said, "But Buff, I got to ask… Do you think Angel feels the same way?"

Buffy wavered in her voice and balance, "I don't know Will. I hope so. I've gotten myself into quite a mess…"

"Yeah but your heart is in the right place," Willow said while her facial expressions were betraying her words. Buffy noticed, "Will, what's on the up?"

Willow was at an impasse; she just wanted her friend to be happy but dared to ask her the one question that was bothering her, "Buffy, what if he doesn't feel the same? What if he's moved on?"

Buffy mulled over what her friend asked, "To be honest, I've been asking myself that all day. This internal debate needs some conclusion, and I have to just take a leap of faith and hope he does… Because if he doesn't then I'll just have to move on too." Buffy didn't even believe in what she was saying…. Moving on would be impossible. Buffy hoped that Angel reciprocated, because she knew in her heart she wouldn't be able to take it. Angel had to take her back, because there were no other options for Buffy.


	21. A Compromising Position

AN: A huge thank you to my followers and reviewers! Sometimes, action speaks louder then words and the number of followers I have shows that I must be doing something right. Thank you again!

Disclaimer: Still don't own them... Wish I did.

Buffy spent the rest of her classes in a daze. She could not concentrate on anything other than her mixed up love life. Granted she hadn't spoken to Angel since the funeral, their conversation had ended positively, and both had put it all out on the table. He knew that she still loved him, but he never actually said those words back to her. She also knew that tonight Parker and her were finally having the "Where they stood" conversation and that made Buffy anxious. She knew Parker loved Dawn, but how would he react when he found out Buffy didn't reciprocate those feelings? Would he take it out on Dawn and leave?

Part of her wished she could just be in love with Parker. But the thing she was realizing was that she couldn't help her feelings for Angel. Sleeping with Parker again, was a huge mistake. She was needy, and emotionless. She just wanted to feel something other then completely numb. But her actions made more of a mess of things. This was the truth, and these were the consequences she was going to have to live with.

Buffy picked up Dawn from school after her classes finally ended.

"Mom!" Dawn said rushing out of the building and thrusting her art project into her mother's hands, "Look! Isn't this awesome?" Buffy took a good look at the art project. It was a picture of her, Dawn and Parker. Underneath were the words: _Family Portrait_. Buffy's heart sank. She couldn't hurt Dawn. She couldn't be selfish. She swallowed the lump in her throat and croaked out, "It's beautiful Dawn."

Dawn beamed with pride, "Mrs. Maclay said that she really liked my picture."

Buffy looked at her with curiosity, "The art teacher mom," Dawn clarified. "Oh, right. Hey, we should get back home your dad invited us to dinner tonight. You my friend are dirty and totally need to wash up." Dawn looked down at her hands which were all colored with paint, "Yeah, I look like a rainbow." Buffy smiled and said, "You know, you're definitely the pot of gold."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked.

"You know the myth about rainbows having a pot of gold at the end right?" Dawn shook her head. "Didn't Aunt Darlene teach you anything? Buffy asked jokingly. "She told me that rainbows are things to wish on. Hey mom?" Dawn asked changing the subject, "Do you think Dad's going to stay here and not go back to Los Angeles? You know, so we can be a real family?" Buffy's heart was breaking for her daughter as she took in Dawn's questions. She didn't have it in her to answer, but she took Dawn and pulled her into a hug. "You know, kiddo, we should probably be going."

"But mom," Dawn whined, "You didn't answer my question," she pouted.

"Yeah, I think things are going to work out for us," Buffy said smiling. But behind, the smile she knew she was lying. But she now didn't know what to do. She had been so sure this morning that telling Parker she didn't want a relationship. But seeing her daughter, she couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. She was a liar. She cared more about Dawn's happiness, then her own. She was beginning to realize how complicated and messy this would be. She didn't take into account Dawn, and how this would affect her. Dawn deserved two loving parents, a big house, white picket fence, golden retriever, and a brood of brothers and sisters. She wanted to give Dawn everything she never had, and her own feelings be damned, she was totally going to give it to her.

Driving back home, Buffy had made up her mind. She had made her decision and she was going to stick with it.

"Mom!" Dawn said interrupting Buffy's train of thoughts, "When we get home do you think grandma would want to see my picture?"

"Of course," Buffy said lackadaisically but then realized she sounded like a robot, "I bet, she'll even let you hang it on the fridge. It's definitely fridge worthy," she said with a little more enthusiasm.

"Oh yay!" Dawn said happily as Buffy pulled into the driveway.

Shutting the car off, she looked back at Dawn who was happily staring at her picture. It was then she was completely sure of her decision.

She had Dawn on her hip, her backpack on her shoulders, and gingerly opened the door when she stumbled into an awkward situation. Her mother was on top of a strange man (fully clothed) in a sort of compromising position completely unaware that her daughter and granddaughter had arrived.

"OH MY GOSH! MOM!" Buffy cried while trying to shield Dawn's eyes and rushing upstairs without waiting for an explanation.

The duo completely unaware before was now very aware that this was a very uncomfortable situation.

"Well that didn't go how I expected. I should go talk to her Rupert," Joyce said fixing her clothes and setting her sights on Buffy.

"I'll be down here love," Rupert Giles said letting go of his girlfriend's hand.

Buffy was going to freak. She just saw her mother on top of a strange man in the middle of the day really going at it. She seriously hoped seeing her grandmother making out with some stranger did not traumatize her six year old. Buffy was seriously creeped out by the entire situation, herself and didn't exactly know how to respond.

"Buffy," her mom's voice came through the door, "Can I come in?"

Buffy didn't really want to hear the few choice words she was going to say to her mother, so she put the television on for Dawn and opened the door.

"Mom, I seriously could have lived the rest of my life without seeing what I just saw and unfortunately I can't un-see it," Buffy said angrily, "Plus, you knew Dawn and I would be home, and I seriously hope you did not scar her for life like you did to me."

Joyce was fed up, "Buffy, I seem to recall a few times I caught you and Parker in some pretty compromising positions. I wasn't exactly thrilled about seeing that either."

"God, here we go again let's add this fight to the tally that keeps growing," Buffy said rolling her eyes.

"I don't want to fight with you," Joyce began, "This was not at all how I anticipated you meeting Mr. Giles," she said blushing.

"Well yeah, a "Hi, nice to meet you I'm here to violate your mother" probably would not have won me over," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Well, I'm sorry you found out how you did but Rupert Giles is actually a very nice man," Joyce said apologetically, "It would be nice, if you came down and met him."

"Fine," Buffy said begrudgingly, "I guess so. Let's go get this over with."


	22. In Love vs Love

AN: So we are almost at the end of this long journey… I still have a few tricks up my sleeve that are going to definitely shock you… poor readers. I also still don't own them and I never will.

"Hello Buffy," Rupert Giles said as a way of introducing himself, "I'm Rupert Giles," he said extending his hand.

Buffy gave him the once over… '_Ugh, he's wearing tweed'_ she thought. Her mother shot her a look that clearly said, _'You better shake his hand.'_

Reluctantly, Buffy shook his hand. "So Giles," Buffy began because there was no way she was going to call him Rupert, "What do you do? Other then my mother?" she said sarcastically.

Both Giles, and her mother turned bright red. "Buffy!" her mother admonished.

"What? I'm just trying to make polite conversation," Buffy exclaimed rather dramatically.

"I'm actually the new Librarian at the High school," He said rather proudly.

Buffy couldn't help but laugh, "I'm sorry. That was rude," she said quickly because her mother was giving her a wicked glare.

However, her laughter did not deter the older man, "You're a student? At UC Sunnydale?"

"Yep," she exclaimed popping the 'p' sound, "I'm a Elementary Education major."

"They have a rather excellent program," Giles said sounding impressed.

Buffy was bored; she didn't really want to talk to this British librarian.

"Well, it was nice meeting you," she said expressionless.

"You too," Giles said sincerely.

"Well, I have to go," she said retreating upstairs.

_Well, that was awkward. _

Buffy went upstairs and found Dawn glued to the television. "Munchkin, want to get cleaned up so we can go to Daddy's? You have to get the colors off you hands."

Turning her attention to Buffy, the six year old exuberantly got up and rushed to the bathroom giving Buffy a moment to herself. As busily began to clean her room, and turn off the television, she couldn't help but wonder if she really was making the right choice, but hey, only time could tell right?

"Mom," Dawn ran into the room holding out her hands, "I'm all clean!"

Buffy looked them over, "Yeah good job! So let's head out!"

Dawn held out her hand, and grabbed her mothers, "Is grandma's boyfriend still there?" she whispered.

Buffy couldn't help but laugh, the situation was hilarious, "I don't know, but let's sneak out as quickly as possible ignoring the two teenagers…"

Luckily, Joyce and Giles were nowhere to be found, and Buffy let out the breath she didn't even realize she was holding in, "Their gone, coast is clear. Let's head out."

The drive over to Parker's was uneventful. Dawn's constant mindless chattering kept Buffy's mind occupied. The truth of the matter was, Buffy wasn't fully convinced of anything, and her indecisiveness was driving her crazy. She kept mentally flip-flopping, and she was about ready to just break down and drive to Los Angeles. She wasn't even conscious as she pulled out of the parking lot and hit the freeway, until Dawn asked, "Mommy, where are we going?"

After ten minutes in route to LA, she decided she had to call Parker. She swallowed her fears and dialed the familiar number. Parker picked up on the first ring.

"_Hello?" _

"_Hey Parker, it's me. I can't do this," Buffy said unexpectedly. _

"_Do what? Dinner? It's totally fine, we can do it tomorrow," Parker said a little confused. _

"_No," Buffy began taking a deep breath, "Us." _

_The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening. _

"_What?"_

"_Us. I'm sorry Parker, but I gave my whole heart away to Angel," she said finally coming clean. _

"_I thought we were going to try and work it out. I still love you, Buffy," Parker said pleadingly. _

"_I love you too, but I'm just," Buffy stalled, "In love with you. I'm sorry Parker," she said crying. _

"_Wow," was all Parker said. _

"_I know, I'm sorry," Buffy said through her tears. _

"_Well, at least I know that your still a horrible lay," Parker said in a voice laced with venom. _

"_Well," Buffy said angrily, "At least now I know your still the same asshole." _

And with that, she hung up and closed the long saga of Buffy and Parker. "Mommy, we aren't going to Daddy's are we?"

"No, sorry Dawn. We aren't," Buffy said through her tears.

The rest of the way to Los Angeles was silent. Dawn had eventually fallen asleep, and Buffy kept thinking. The solidarity of the ride was giving her too much time to think. As she pulled into the parking lot of Angel's apartment building, she looked in the mirror at a sleepy Dawn, and saw her own reflection. Her mascara was dripping off her face, and her hair was a mess. But she needed to talk to Angel. She took an exhausted Dawn out of the car and carried her to the front of the apartment building. She pressed the bell for Angel, and when she heard his voice on the other end asking who was there, all she said was, "Buffy," and heard the buzzer sound that let her into the building.

The walk up to his apartment was seemingly endless. The sleepy girl on Buffy's shoulder was the only thing giving Buffy a sense of reality, because she couldn't believe what she did, or what she was going to do. She finally reached Angel's apartment, took a deep breath and knocked.

Angel opened the door saw the state Buffy was in, and engulfed her in his arms. They stood outside his door like that for a while, just feeling the comfort and security of being in one another's arms. Dawn surprisingly was still asleep, but the smallest movement from her interrupted the pair.

"Follow me," Angel whispered, ushering Buffy into his bed room, "Dawn can sleep in here and we can talk."

Buffy could only nod, she was at a loss for words. Once the pair tucked her in, and shut the door behind them Angel led Buffy to the living room, with his hand on the small of her back.

"Where do we begin?" Angel asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Angel," Buffy said softly, "I ended it with Parker tonight, for good."

"What did he do to you?" Angel asked suddenly overcome with the urge to protect Buffy and Dawn.

"He didn't do anything to me. I told him the truth, which is that I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with someone else," Buffy said trailing off hoping Angel would understand the meaning behind her words.

Angel frowned, "You are?"

"You," Buffy whispered, "I'm in love with you. I gave you my whole heart even though you said I didn't. I'm in love with you. Not lust, attraction, just pure attachment," she said remembering her conversation in Psych, "I mean I am all those things for you, but I'm attached to you. I'm completely in love with you. You're all I think about, even though your two hours away. The entire drive here, the only thing plaguing my thoughts were… you."


	23. Reunions and a Big Surprise

AN: I promised a shocker. Here you go… Only a few more chapters to go. Review PLEASE. It feeds the muse.

Disclaimer: still don't own them.

The silence that followed after Buffy poured her heart out was deafening. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute, and the one that stood out the most was, _"What if he doesn't feel the same?"_

Angel's expression was unreadable. Buffy couldn't for the life of her penetrate his façade.

"Angel," she croaked, trying to get anything out of him…

"I'm sorry Buffy this is just a lot to process," Angel said still in a state of shock.

"I didn't' expect you to just kiss me and take me back but…" Buffy's words were stopped when Angel placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"That was nice," she blurted out.

"Yeah, it was," Angel said agreeing.

"But where does that leave us?" Buffy asked.

"I'm not sure," Angel said suddenly getting up and putting his face in his hands, "On one hand Buff, I'm skeptical. We still have the same problems. Granted, Parker obviously does not bother me as much as he use to. I know now for sure, that you're not in love with him. But your mother does not like me. At all. And honestly, she…"

"Angel, my mother's opinion doesn't mean jack about shit. She just had some bizarre dream that I would grow up and be just a normal teenage kid. But you know what, once you have a kid as young as I did… You're never normal. Ever. I had a shady past, did drugs, made horrible decisions. You know this, but who doesn't have a past? Granted mines a little blurrier then most," Buffy said with pleading eyes.

"What about distance? Your future is in Sunnydale, and mine is here," Angel said logically.

"I don't care Angel, when I look into the future all I see is you. All I want is you. Don't you…" Buffy didn't finish that sentence because once again, Angel's lips were on hers. But this time, it wasn't a chaste kiss. It was one full of hunger, desire, and passion.

The two long lost lovers were together. Finally. They didn't go further then kissing but took comfort and solace in the fact that they were a couple. Reality was sometimes better then Buffy's dreams. The proof was evident in the arms of her Angel.

"You don't think we're rushing things right?" Buffy asked her partner who was lovingly rubbing her back as they sat on the couch after their heart to heart.

"Do you?" Angel countered her question.

"I know that with Parker, I did. I don't want to make the same mistake twice," She said reasonably.

"It's good I'm not him then. Cause I never am going to leave you or let you get away again," Angel said soothingly.

"I'm not going to let you either…" Buffy said yawning.

"You go to sleep if you're tired," Angel said as Buffy snuggled into his arms.

"That's not a bad idea," she said closing her eyes.

Buffy woke up first because the sun was shining brightly through the blinds. She felt a presence behind her and realized it was Angel. It would always be Angel. She felt a little better, and knew now that she had made the right decision. Whatever doubts she had evaporated, and was replaced with nothing but contentment. She was beginning to wonder if she was allowed to feel this happy. The feel of strong arms around her and the gentle up and down of Angel's chest made her the happiest girl in the world.

"Good morning," Angel said stirring.

"Hi," Buffy said shyly positioning herself so that she was in front of Angel, "I should go wake up Dawn," she said getting up.

Angel pulled her back down on top of him and kissed her playfully.

"Angel," she squealed when they finally came up for air, "I really should go."

"Alright," Angel said agreeably, "Why don't you go wake her and I'll start breakfast. Pancakes sound good?"

"Only if they're the funny faces or Mickey Mouse ears," Buffy replied on the way into Angel's room.

Buffy opened the door just a little bit and saw that Dawn was stirring, "Hello sleepy head," she said going in and sitting down on Angel's bed, "Wake up. Angel's making pancakes."

"Mommy," Dawn replied groggily, rolling over so that her back was to Buffy, "Five more minutes."

Buffy started tickling the little girl who erupted into a fit of giggles, "Mommy," Dawn said through the laughter, "stop."

"Only if you get out of bed missy!" Buffy said tickling Dawn once more.

"Okay fine!" Dawn said giggling, "I smell pancakes."

"Angel's in the kitchen making them," Buffy said motioning for Dawn to jump in her arms, "Let's go."

The threesome had breakfast, and Buffy couldn't believe how normal it seemed. Like they had been doing that for years. Dawn had always liked Angel, and whenever he had visited they had bonded. Granted, it was always Buffy who went to Chicago for the summer, but the few times Dawn came down the threesome always had a good time.

The rest of the day was spent at the LA Zoo. It was just a normal day; there were no heavy conversations of the future, or Parker. Buffy was trying to avoid all things serious because she and Angel still had a lot of talking to do. For the meantime, Buffy decided she had to return to Sunnydale, and they could do the long distance thing for a little while. It was almost the end of her semester and Dawn would be getting out of school for summer. Things had to stay the way they were if only for a little while.

It was only after both Angel and Buffy put Dawn to bed, did they finally address the elephant in the room.

"So," Buffy said picking at her fingernail, "We have to figure this out. I can't pull Dawn out of school or drop my classes. I want to be here in LA, with you."

"Come here weekends," Angel said thinking over what Buffy was saying, "Once you finish your semester, and Dawn's out of school we can play it by year. I want you here too, but I'm not going to ask you to uproot your life."

"Are their good schools in the area?"

"This part of LA is no Hemery High," Angel said smiling knowing that it was the ritzier part of the city where Buffy was from, "But there are some solid schools. We can both check into that. Why don't you move in this summer… and we can make this more permanent?"

"Really!" Buffy said with a giant smile plastered on her face, "I like the sound of that."

"Really, cause me too," Angel said before he kissed her softly on the lips.

_3 Weeks Later Sunnydale_

Buffy and Angel's arrangement was working perfectly. Every weekend she and Dawn would go to LA and have adventures. Dawn was adjusting, she and Buffy had a long conversation about her dad, and Dawn understood that sometimes families were made up of all kinds of people who just loved you. She still saw Parker occasionally, although the ice had not thawed between Buffy and him. Her mother was still not talking to her, but she had Giles to be consumed by. They were getting pretty serious, and Buffy started to like him.

Of course just as her life was finally getting better, another obstacle was placed in her way. Buffy had felt sick lately, and spent a lot of time praying to the porcelain god. She had a sinking suspicion she knew what was wrong and went to the drug store.

She took the test, and the two small blue lines confirmed her fears. She was pregnant… again.

AN: Remember when she slept with Parker? I bet you do now.


	24. Little Talks

AN: Review's feed the muse. Thank you to all who have reviewed! I think one of you will notice I took your advice

Disclaimer: Don't own'em.

Sinking back against the sink, Buffy curled up in a ball and started sobbing. She was a wreck and had about a million thoughts running through her mind all at once. The first one was Angel. He was going to be absolutely devastated. Her next thought was Dawn, and how she was going to react. Buffy couldn't help but feel she had let her down, her life was on track and this was certainly going to derail her plans. Finally, she thought about Parker… She just couldn't deal with him right now. Oh god, she had completely forgotten about her mother. Joyce was going to have an aneurysm. Hopefully, it would be a funny aneurysm.

The tears didn't stop cascading down her face, although her sobs got quieter. She was so wrapped up in her own pain, that she didn't notice Giles enter the bathroom.

"Buffy," he said quietly while standing awkwardly in the doorway, "are you alright? I heard crying and I didn't know anyone would be here."

Started by hearing Giles, "Oh," Buffy said wiping away her tears, "I thought no one was home… Giles, I'm not okay."

Giles looked at with empathy Buffy, "What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you," Buffy said quietly, "because if I say it then its real. If I tell you I'm pregnant…" she said covering her mouth and her eyes going wide at the words she had just said.

Giles didn't say anything, didn't react. He just embraced her while she started crying again.

"Buffy," he said softly looking at her through her tears, "In the few weeks, I've gotten to know you I can tell you are something special. Your mother has done nothing but sing your praises, even thought I know you two have had quite a row. You're a great mother to Dawn, and this new one is going to be just as lucky."

"Thanks, Giles," Buffy said smiling for the first time that day, "You know, mom's got good taste. It's just that here's the thing, it's not Angel's baby. It's Parkers."

Giles looked at her trying to hide his surprise.

One night a few weeks ago, when Joyce was late at the Gallery and Buffy had put Dawn to bed, he was watching television when Buffy came down stairs after a heated conversation with Parker. He had flipped the television off and had made her tea. She had told him the entire story. She spoke of her torrid relationship with Parker, and her current relationship with Angel. He had listened intently, and given advice when she had asked him what to do. After that night, they had a new found friendship. She talked to him now like she would have talked to her own mother.

"Giles, I don't know what to do. My impulsive rash decision-making got me into this mess... How am I going to tell Angel? Or Mom!"

"Buffy," Giles said taking her hand and helping her off the ground, "I don't know much about Angel. I only know what you've told me. But I can gather that he loves you very much and if you explain the situation to the best of your ability then maybe he might just understand. I think the best course of action now is to go for a checkup, and start taking vitamins. As for your mother, she'll probably be disappointed but she will get over it and be excited."

"Giles," Buffy said giving him a hug, "Thank you."

Giles squeezed her hand, "Not a problem, my dear. Not a problem."

Buffy glanced at the watch on her wrist, "Oh no, I have to go get Dawn in a few minutes, and I look a mess," She said rushing out of the bathroom. Flying into her room, she grabbed the first thing out of her closet, which happened to be a sundress, checked herself out in the mirror, and took a tissue to wipe away her mascara tears. Seemingly satisfied with herself, she headed out the door.

Apparently, Buffy did her best thinking when she was in the car. For the entire short ride to Dawn's school, she came up with a plan. She was going to heed Giles' advice and schedule a doctor's appointment. She was going to tell her mother, and then Angel. She would deal with Parker last. She felt a little better knowing that she had a plan, because within the chaos of her life she needed a sense of order. She couldn't help but feel a pit in her stomach, at the thought of telling her mother. However, that feeling did not last long because the conversation between her mother happened sooner then she expected.

Joyce was home early from work; she was outside on the porch swing when Buffy and Dawn were back from school.

"Hi girls," Joyce said sipping tea, "Buffy, I think we should talk."

Buffy's head jerked over to her mother, and she couldn't help but know that her knew mother already. It was like how she always knew when Dawn was lying or trying to hide something. She knew, that mother's sometimes just knew.

"Dawnie girl," Buffy said directing her attention to Dawn who was in the garden picking dandelions, "Can you go inside and start your homework? I have to talk to grandma for a minute."

"Okay, Mommy," Dawn said happily brushing past her mother with dandelions in her hands.

Buffy took a tentative seat on the porch swing. She was really beginning to hate conversations on the swing.

"So," she began haphazardly, "You wanted to talk."

"Yes," Joyce said putting her mug down, and reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a piece of paper. It was the receipt to Buffy's pregnancy test.

"I'm sure your familiar with this piece of paper there's an item on here that doesn't belong to me, can't belong to Dawn. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"God, mom," Buffy said exasperated, "can't you just come out and ask instead of this charade?"

"Alright," Joyce said angrily, "Are you pregnant? Cause really Buffy, I thought you'd know to be careful. You were doing so well, I was so proud… I can't help but think your making a big mistake."

"Will you let me answer?" Buffy asked interrupting her mom, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've made things difficult. I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I can't live up to your ideals anymore. I'm sorry I'm pregnant. Mom," Buffy said on the verge of tears, "I'm so sorry. I'm just so incredibly scared. I can't handle this. I'm sorry we were fighting, and I didn't tell you about Parker, or Angel."

"Oh, Buffy," Her mom said scotching over to her on the swing and putting her arms around her, "We'll figure this out okay. I'm sorry you're in this mess."

"Does Angel know?" Joyce asked while she was rubbing her daughter's back.

"Uh, mom… It's not Angel's. It's Parker's."

Joyce suddenly stopped rubbing Buffy's back.


	25. A Bucket of Truth

Uh oh. Buffy knew this was not good, and she braced herself for her mother's wrath. Oddly enough, it never came.

"Oh Buffy," Joyce said sadly, "You really have gotten yourself in quite a mess. Are you sure its Parkers?"

"Mom, I'm not a slut," Buffy said sobbing, "How could you have asked me that?"

"I know, I'm sorry it's just the timing…" Buffy glared at her mother and wiped away her tears. If there was such a thing as a death glare, Joyce would have been deader then dead.

"Mom, I know. Trust me. It was after I found out about Dad and I needed to feel something, other then sadness," Buffy said trailing off.

"I wish you could have talked to me, then maybe you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this predicament. What about adoption?" Joyce asked cautiously.

"Mom, are you serious? Dawn would hate me for giving her sibling away. I can't do that, nor do I want to do that. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it," Buffy said solemnly.

Joyce just looked at her, "Wait," Buffy said irritated, "That wasn't exactly what I meant."

"I know, dear. But what about financially, you're still in school. How are you going to juggle two kids without help?"

And that question brought Buffy back to earth, "I don't know. I was hoping maybe Angel would stick around."

"So there's not chance for Parker?" Joyce asked tentatively.

"God," Buffy said putting her face in her hands, "No. I love Parker, but he doesn't make me happy. He makes me miserable. Our past relationship aside, we don't work. He's too… Parkery."

"Well, that was incredibly non-eloquent," Joyce stated boldly.

"Mom, I know you hate both of them. But it's my choice, and Parker's not it," Buffy stated firmly.

"You know, I really did like Angel better," Joyce said suddenly.

Buffy was in shock. Did her mother just really say she preferred Angel? Okay, this was turning out to be such a strange day.

"Really?" Buffy said stunned.

"Yes really," Joyce said grabbing her mug and motioning Buffy to follow her. Together they went into the kitchen. "It was getting too buggy out there," Joyce said sitting down at the table, "So what is your plan?"

"Wake up, go to school, take Dawn to school, and deal with whatever happens," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Funny," Joyce said dryly, "But I don't think this is funny."

"Join the club, it's very unfunny. I was going to call and make a doctor's appointment for tomorrow to confirm, and then I was going to talk to Angel," Buffy said fidgeting with her hands.

"Okay, the first part sounds okay, but you definitely have to tell Parker first. It's his kid, and he deserves to know," Joyce said firmly.

"I was hoping to not tell him," Buffy said avoiding her mother's gaze.

"Ever?" Joyce asked questioningly.

"Well, not for a while. I don't want to deal with him," Buffy said clearly aggravated.

"You're going to have to eventually. Plus, he still see's Dawn she's obviously going to talk about her little brother or sister. He'll notice your pregnant belly. Speaking of Dawn, when are you going to tell her?"

Buffy gingerly touched her still flat stomach, "Soon."

"I'm disappointed, "Joyce sighed," But I know you're an awesome mother, and this kid's going to be extremely lucky. For your sake I hope it's a boy."

"Why?"

"Cause they are so much easier," Joyce stated, leaving Buffy sitting at the table lost in her own head.

The next day, Buffy had confirmed what she had already known. She was in fact 8 weeks pregnant. He or she was due in November. She knew that she needed to talk to Parker. As much as she hated him now, they were going to be parents again. He should start taking some of the financial burden now… especially, since there were going to be another little one.

She touched her stomach, and remembered when she was pregnant with Dawn. It was a much different scenario. She didn't have the support system she had now. It was six years ago, and a lot happens in six years. She wasn't the scared timid fourteen year old. She was twenty years old, almost twenty-one. She was planning on going home and telling Dawn the news. She was nervous though, Dawn would ask questions and Buffy wasn't sure if she would be apt at answering them. She would have to tell Dawn that it was Parker's. Maybe she should word it something like, "You know mommy and daddy are going to be having a baby."

No, that wasn't right. Maybe her and Parker should do it together? Ugh, Buffy sighed. All this stress was not good for her.

She had about an hour until she had to pick up Dawn, so she picked up her cell phone and called Parker.

"_Hello," Parker said in greeting._

"_Hi," Buffy said timidly, "Are you free right now?" _

"_Well, I have a meeting in an hour but I could take a lunch break." _

"_Meet me at the coffee bean in 10 minutes. We need to talk," Buffy said _

_cryptically. _

"_Fine," Parker said hanging up the phone. _

Buffy arrived at the Bean before Parker. She ordered a Vanilla blended with no coffee, and sat down at an empty booth. She was playing with her straw when she saw Parker and motioned him over.

"Hi," she said awkwardly.

"Hey," Parker said all business like, "What's up?"

"There's something I need to tell you…" Buffy started, "Is it Dawn?" Parker interrupted showing concern.

"No," Buffy said calmly, "It's not Dawn. She's fine. Don't worry about her."

"Okay, I know this isn't a social call. You've made it very clear that you're not in love with me," Parker began lecturing.

"Parker," Buffy interrupted, "Shut up for five seconds okay… I'mPregnant."

"What?" Parker said shocked, "I didn't quite hear you."

"I'm pregnant," Buffy said again.

"Oh, give my regards to Angel then," Parker said angrily.

"It's not Angel's. I'm 8 weeks along. Do you remember what happened 8 weeks ago?"

"Oh," Parker said finally realizing what she was telling him, "Your serious?"

"As a heart attack," Buffy said seriously.

"Well, those are serious," Parker deadpanned.

"Very," Buffy said in agreement.

"So what are we going to do?" Parker asked hesitating.

"I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out. But now, you don't have much to do. You've done enough, really," Buffy said gesturing to her stomach.

"Are we going to co-parent? How are we going to tell Dawn?"

"You tell me. I'm just as clueless as you are," Buffy said sipping down the rest of her drink.


End file.
